Too many cars in the capitol of Vietnam
In the attempt to cope with traffic jams, developed countries have hitherto conducted a number of effective solutions, and the result of which was an enormous success far beyond the expectations. Therefore, there is no doubt that Ho Chi Minh City government could employ those methods to confront their severe road congestion. To begin with, practical measures should be implemented to raise public awareness about obedience to the traffic laws. In detail, the city had better inflict stricter punishments on drivers breaking rules, including imposing fines on them or sentencing them to do community services. In addition, the appropriate contents could be added into teaching programs of all education levels in order to build up youth's virtue and discipline. The other necessary solution is making the public transport system more convenient for passengers. In particular, the government should primarily enhance the comfort of current bus services by expanding its operating hours, increasing the number of bus routes, and offering a priority lane on streets to dedicated buses. Indeed, to shorten transportation time, it is urgent to speed up implementation progress of metro projects. Apparently, althought solving traffic jams completely is not easy, the government still step by step improve the situation by following the potential solutions mentioned above.
Nam, I am not sure about what you are trying to do here. Is this an IELTS article summary essay? A TOEFL discussion essay? Or an English writing class assignment? The purpose for which you wrote the essay for will dictate the proper review for it. So if you have a prompt for this essay, as well as an article url, please remember to provide it so that you can receive more accurate feedback.
In the meantime, I have to tell you that the essay offers a pretty good overview for the discussion of the implied topic. However, the essay lacks in terms of early examples of the traffic solutions applied in other countries that Ho Chi Minh City could emulate in order to solve the city's own traffic problems.
Your essay lacks a full development of discussions for the ideas and that you present. Each of your ideas should be better developed in separate essay paragraphs instead of being lumped together in a confusing discussion in the single paragraph that you have now. Try to to create more accurate discussions and develop your suggested ideas in order to make the discussion more informative and enlightening / educational for the reader.
Tks a lot for your prompt feedback, Holt! This is just an writing assignment in my IELTS class, for the IELTS test on August with the required band score of 6.0. My duty is to write a paragraph discussing the topic. To be honest, your rep is very helpful to me, especially your recommendation of how to empower the essay.
By the way, please help me to check if I made any grammar or collocation mistakes in my above paragraph. Thanks again!!
Nam, if you provide me with a copy of the prompt that you are responding to, I can also tell you the score that you could possibly get for this essay. That way you will know how far from or how close to a 6 you may score in the overall band. Don't worry about your grammar. You got your points across quite clearly and, even though some of the words that you use seem to be a bit stern, the flow of thought was not affected. As a part of your grammatical range and accuracy, I feel that you don't have anything to worry about. The parts of the scoring that you have to worry about are your task accuracy and lexical resource. From what I can tell, your cohesiveness and cohesion is also acceptable. Again, the prompt is necessary for a more accurate review of your work. The grammar problems are the least of your worries at this point.