Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


IELTS - solving crime through attacking the causes of crime


Geenesh 21 / 29  
Aug 6, 2011   #1
In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It is not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

The rate of crime in today's society is on the rise day by day. News related to delinquencies is seen in newspapers and media almost daily. Thus, many opine that comprehensive actions should be taken in order to minimize the number of crimes taking place, which includes looking into the causes of those misconducts instead of having more police and jailing those who commit crimes. I agree to this solution only to a certain degree as there are obviously more effective ways to reduce the problem.

First and foremost, it is undeniable that most people commit negative activities due to them being in dire need of money to sustain their lives. Examples of those offenses are such as being snatch thieves, robbing, and killing for money. If only they had a proper job to earn a living, I am sure that they will not go to the extent of hurting others to get money. Apart from that, by providing each citizen with equal opportunities of education, everyone will be educated. As a result, they will be rational enough not to commit those crimes.

In addition, increasing the number of police on the street alone is not sufficient. They must go on patrol more frequently than they used to. Consequently, people will not be bold enough to commit crimes as they know very well that they will be caught and punished. Besides, I feel that the government should come up with stricter laws so that the public will be afraid of committing crimes. For example, those who are caught red handed selling and distributing drugs will have to pay a large sum of money like RM 1,000 000 and also will be canned 30 times. Definitely, dreading these kinds of punishments, people will not want get involved in crimes.

However, looking at the other perspective, some people may think that by just giving the public equal education chances, providing jobs and implementing stricter rules, crime cannot be effectively reduced. Well, in my opinion, if everything is carried out consistently with a lot of effort put into it, certainly the aim of diminishing the number of crime can be achieved. Maybe it will not bring about zero crime, but we may expect some changes to take place as for changes to happen, changes must be done.

To conclude, I do agree that in order to trim down the number of crimes that is occurring, the main source of the problem should be looked into. Solutions to combat the root of the problem coupled with other methods such as police going on rounds more often as well as imposing stringent regulations will surely help to keep the level of crimes low. It is always no harm in trying out new ways in order to solve an existing, perennial predicament especially if previous solutions do not work as effective as expected.
ajit88rai 22 / 188 3  
Aug 6, 2011   #2
Hi Sangeetha,
see I told u that you will get plenty of opinions here. EF_Susan has already made the corrections necessary . You essay is very nice and you tried to cover most of the points.

-In any essay or writings, try and write currencies which are famous like-US dollar, Pound sterling or Euros .

-Caning 30 times? Don't write such statements in any writing which opposes human rights.

Rest its all very good

good luck and cheers.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS - solving crime through attacking the causes of crime
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳