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Sorrel Cottage Development - Map

phuongphuong 1 / -  
Mar 30, 2017   #1

changes noticed in Sorrel cottage between 1980 and 2002

The map shows the developments that occured at Sorrel Cottage during a 22 - year period from 1980 to 2002.
It is clear from the maps that the most striking change that happened at the Sorrel Cottage was the enlarged size of the garden. Additionally, quite a few infrastructures were added to the poperty between 1989 and 2001.

In 1980, the garden became bigger by the purchase of a plot of land which was situated to the south of the original garden and which is almost equal in size to the garden in 1980. Two years later, the garden was extended because of the acquisition of another plot of land on the eastern border, which effectively doubled the area of the original garden.

From 1986 to 1988, there was a construction of a new house to the south of the Cottage and in the following year an orchard was planted in the northern part of the land acquired in 1985. The year 1990 saw two additions to the land: a pond in the original garden and a vegetable garden opposite to the orchard in the eastern plot of land. Two lines of trees appeared along the southern and the northern edge of the land acquired in 1996.

Between 2000 and 2001, an open - air swimming pool was errected in the land purchase in 1983.

agus_mono 13 / 23 2  
Mar 30, 2017   #2
hi phuongphuong, i have read your essay closely, i think you explain the alteration well but i found several mistake that you have to pay attention about. firstly, make sure your paragraph is consist at least three sentences because the last paragraph is only one sentence. secondly, all features that you wrote were not clear. if the common reader read your essay, they will be confuse the direction. because you described the feature inappropriately. it is better if you mention by taking the main figure and will be your anchor.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,696 3502  
Mar 30, 2017   #3
Phuong, your presentation lacks coherence and your sentences vary from hanging to run - on sentences. As a rule of thumb, all paragraphs needs to have at least 3 sentences each. So, train yourself to use a period in paragraphs. Go full stop. Do not pause by using a comma. Always stop totally before writing additional information in the essay. Your final sentence is even worse because it just hangs there. Not really belonging to a paragraph, nor actually giving additional important information.

The reason that sentence was misplaced is because the year of the information being provided should have been included in the first part of the paragraph. Always give a chronological presentation of the data to the reader, specially when actual years are involved, such as in this case. It is never a good idea to just insert or add information at the end because it will be hard for you to then develop the sentence into a full paragraph.

Don't say "two years later" when the information you are given actually provides the dates regarding when things happened. Use the complete year whenever possible because this shows that you actually assessed the diagram and have a clear understanding of what information must be presented in the essay because it is important and required in order to understand the development of the area in the diagram.

All things considered, depending upon the more minute considerations an examiner might have for your essay, you could probably score somewhere between a 4 or 5 for this kind of work.

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