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Want to sound like a leader - start by saying your name right - Laura Sicola | 7 Band Candidate


Fatirtalent 12 / 19  
Sep 23, 2016   #1
Want to sound like a leader - start by saying your name right - Laura Sicola

Leadership communication is major issues that have been being talked by million people. Laura Sicola names it as an executive presence which consists of appearance, communication skills, and gravitas. The gravitas is the ability to make tough decisions and stick with them. However, there is a missed part between communication skills and gravitas which she defines as VOCAL Executive Presence, it means that how do you sound when you are making those tough decisions. And it has 3 basic instruments are vocal tonality, body language, and word choice. Vocal tonality contributes 30% to your presentation performance, and 55% and 7% proposition are supplied by body language and word choice respectively. Unfortunately, most of us spend the majority of time preparing a remarkable presentation with cool graphic and animation. They put efforts on something that has a unspecial impact.

Tonality. if we use strategically, it helps the audience to focus on most importance, increasing better understanding regarding the materials. And as a leader, we have to demonstrate it to impress our co-workers or convenience our business clients, even give good impressive in the first meeting is necessary. We can start it with going up our first name and going down for the second one.

note: drop comments with clear explanation
wew018 - / 20 9  
Sep 23, 2016   #2
Hi @fatirtalent

I have seen some common errors in your composition. Also, I explained everything what makes it wrong and what you can do instead. Hopefully, this will help you on your next composition.

Leadership communication isamajor issues > Always follow the rule of parallelism. Make your sentence align in terms of number or quantity. "Leadership communication" is only 1 then followed by "is" which is correct. Then, since they are only one (in terms of quantity), you should put "a" which will give you an idea of "Leadership communication is one major issue" and then since they are all equal to "one" quantity, "major issues" should also be singular, and so make it "major issue" drop "s".

that have been being talked by million people > This phrase is inconsistent with your first phrase. I think it is better if you will paraphrase this part to make it in line with your first phrase. I would suggest for you to use this instead:

which became the top concern by million people.

... which she defines asVOCALVocalExecutive Presence > I know you want to emphasize that word. But, in formal writing, it is not good to have inconsistency in capitalization. Just follow the rules in capitalizing letters like capitalize it if it is a proper noun, an abbreviation of known agency (which is immediately followed by the whole meaning of abbreviations) and someone else's title.

... Presence, itwhichmeans that > instead of having too much commas, change it to some simple transition words. In this phrase, since you are elaborating what vocal presence is, you can use "which" which also adds up another meaning to vocal presence.

AndiIt has ... > Avoid starting your sentence in a conjunction.

... presentation performance, andwhile55% and 7% proposition are supplied by body language and word choice respectively. > The "and" word is so repetitive where in fact, it has no bearing in the sentence. Instead of having double "and", choose different words which can also supply the same meaning and function in the sentence.

with cool graphicsand animation > "Graphic" is more of an adjective word like "graphic arts", "graphic design" etc. Meanwhile, "Graphics" works as noun. So, just be careful in choosing words.

...has anunspecial impact. > "A" is used if the word preceded starts with consonant. If it is a vowel, use "An". However, it seems that there is no such thing as "unspecial" word. I would suggest "insignificant" instead of "unspecial" though, if you will use this, you have to remove the indefinite article "a/an"

Tonality.,if we use strategically, itwillhelps > You are stating a probable future since you used "if" which gives something like "if we do this, we will have this" or sort of. So, it is probable which means it all lies in the future if we will do it today, the result will be something in the future that we may or may not expect. To cut the long story, if you will use "if" or at least state something probable that has futuristic results, use the future tense of the verb.

on most importance > This is not good phrase but it is understandable. Though, you might want to say "it will help the audience to focus more in the important details "

...,andincreasing better... > Since there is no other follow ups, use "and" because if you use comma, it means there are more than that but after that phrase "increasing better ... " it was followed by "." (period) which ends the sentence. So, change the comma to "and" word so that readers are aware that you only have 2 ideas you want to share.

AndaAs a leader > Again, avoid starting your sentences in a conjunction.

co-workers orconvenienceour > I think you mean "convince our clients".

,and even give good impressiveimpression in the first meeting. is necessary > Just like what I have mentioned above, always put "and" if there are no any follow ups in that certain idea. Also, I have changed "impressive" to "impression" since you have used "good" which is an adjective so the next word would have been a noun. But, in your sentence, it was another adjective "impressive" which is wrong. So, adjectives should be followed by a noun it describes which gives you "good impression" . The last part "is necessary" should be removed since it does not really adds up nor change the meaning in your sentence. It is like it is there because it is there. It does not have any function at all in the sentence. So, you can simply remove it.

Well, that will be all and I look forward to your next composition. Enjoy and keep writing !


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