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Sources of person's understanding; the comparison of knowledge based on the gaining process


lanazaldo 7 / 10  
Nov 8, 2016   #1
It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books"
Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books.
In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?


An opinion explains that knowledge will be widely acquired not only from books, but also from other resources. Hence, there are several differences regarding knowledge gained from experience and from books. In my standpoint, I personally stand for an argument of which books generate development in large part of personal skills.

Initially, books contain a large number of new areas in public interests which pervades all of criteria excluding people's specialisation. Society, therefore, would enhance their general knowledge and they are not limited into one specific skill to be seized on. Coinciding with a wide range of aptitudes, book readers' knowledge is encouraged in visual ability useful to forecast the possible circumstances in the long period of time since every reading activity creates imagination to picture the words to be real. As a result, attaining enlightenment from books is rather complete to face the brutish life.

Compared to the acquired knowledge from books, experience teaches people in a long time that needs trial and error to achieve the proper knowledge. It consume ineffective period of time and it clearly requires a myriad of financial resources in the process of learning. Subsequently, people tend to be specialised in particular ability that narrow the other valuable self-improvements. This condition occurs due to the fact that experience is usually gained in the sequence of conditions and therefore knowledge from experience is lack of variations in other general abilities.

To conclude, it is imperative for the vast majority of people to consider the merits of books and then they are able to utilise books as the most efficient means in order to possess a wealth of knowledge.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,017 2713  
Nov 9, 2016   #2
I think that you can score around a 5 with this essay in the band score for the actual test. While I can pick out what it is that you are trying to say, you do not really come across as clearly as one would expect. The reader has to be diligent in picking up keywords from your essay that will help them to properly understand the sentiment of the paragraph. This is a grammar and sentence structure issue that you will be able to address as you become more fluent in your use of the English language.

Your opening statement could have been improved if you had properly represented the two opinions that you were required to discuss in the essay prior to your presenting your personal opinion. The same situation existed for your conclusion. Where you should have presented a clear summary of the two opinions prior to restating your opinion. It would have brought the conclusion closer to the required 3 sentence minimum as well.
Naoki28 10 / 18 2  
Nov 9, 2016   #3
Hi lanazaldo,
Check the amendment below.

... encouraged in visual ability is useful to forecast (...) to picture the words to beas a real.
... complete to face the brutishBritish life.

It consumes ineffective period of time and it clearly requires a myriad ...
fadhilmd25 41 / 75 11  
Nov 9, 2016   #4
Dear lanazaldo, here my advices for your writing, feel free to correct my responds,

In my standpoint, I personally stand for an argument of which books generate ... -->

you should clearly state your reasons why you choose to defend the argument

books contain a large number of new areas in public interests which ... -->

you should state your idea + your question related

Society, therefore, would enhance their general knowledge and they are ... -->

before you write this sentence of reasoning why you choose your idea to clearly state the flow of your paragraph

All in all, your second paragraph was written well, although several grammatical mistakes not bothering too much. In addition, your introduction should be properly developed as it is the main point to attract readers to read your essay. Have time to think a good intro, so that you will develop powerful essay in return.

Regards
OP lanazaldo 7 / 10  
Nov 9, 2016   #5
@Holt
Thanks for your comment.
Could you give the prediction in each component of writing assessment in this essay (TR, CC, LR, GRA) ?
Therefore, I could decide what should need more effort to be improved.
I hope you likely to look over my other essays in the next time.
thanks in advance.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,017 2713  
Nov 10, 2016   #6
For your Task Achievement, I believe you would get a 4 because you failed to indicate / restate the quote that was part of the prompt you are being asked to respond to. Keep in mind that in your first sentence, you already indicated that there was an opinion you wanted to discuss / refer to. A complete overview paragraph would have included the quote itself since that is the basis of the essay. You also failed to present a completely developed personal opinion within the essay paragraphs. So, you did not really cover all key features as required.

For the coherence and cohesion part, I think a 6 is in order because there is an understandable progression of your discussion and it shows that you analyzed the best way to discuss the topic provided. However, you need to work on the cohesion of your sentences within the paragraphs. It seems to try to discuss too many subtopics within a topic based paragraph.

When it comes to the lexical source, I feel that a 4 is in order. This is through no fault of yours. It is just that your limited vocabulary is evident in the essay as there is a lack of higher vocabulary representation in the essay. Don't worry though. That is not something that can be achieved overnight. You should work on widening your vocabulary over the coming days. Just make sure you are well read in the English language and you should be well on your way to doing that.

Now, for grammatical range and accuracy, it's a definite 5. Luckily, the errors did not stress me out as a reader too much and I could easily figure out what the sentence structure you were using was actually trying to say.

I hope my detailed ratings help you concentrate on your problem points.


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