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Space Exploration versus basic human needs. Which is more important?


tantadedanaan 6 / 11 11  
Feb 15, 2015   #1
Good day to all,

This is my second time writing my essay here. I hope to get feedback and advice on how to improve my writing and also my grammar. Thank you all in advanced.

My essay:
Space exploration is one of the greatest dream of mankind throughout the years. Nowadays, people are still arguing whether to pursue this kind of projects. Countries with advanced technology allotted enough funds knowing the importance of this discoveries. But not everyone is agree with this scenario specially the poorest countries around the globe. They prefer to prioritize the needs of their citizen rather than other things. I also share this view.

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TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Feb 15, 2015   #2
You did not really develop your reasons very fully. I think adding some specific examples would be a good idea.

Space exploration is [has been] one of the greatest dream[s ] of mankind throughout the years. Nowadays, people are still arguing whether to [continue to] pursue this kind of projects. Countries with advanced technology [have] allotted enough funds knowing the importance of th[ese] discoveries[, b]ut{avoid beginning sentences with "but" or "and"} not everyone is agree[s ] with this scenario[, e]specially the poorest countries around the globe. They prefer to prioritize the needs of their citizen[s ] rather than other things.{avoid using "things" - try to be more specific} I also share this view.

Although space travel is essential to the growth of science and to the possible expansion of mankind to other planets; however, {don't use both "although" and "however" together here} it is still expensive and the possibility of damaging the environment is very high. {an example would make this more convincing}The large amount of money that is allocated to this can be useful to [in] other area[s ] that [will benefit] everyone will benefit such as housing allowance[s ] or feeding program[s ] for the less fortunate. In this way, they do not only protect the mother nature but also help those in needs.

Another thing [reason] is, because of the growing number of health issues th[ese] day[s ]. It is not a mere question to ask the government which one they will choose first[, t]he health of their people or another future advancement [ i]n space. The answer is very clear. The risk of investing and wasting money to [on] expedition[s ] outside the planet is much higher compared to providing funds for the well-being of every individua[l ]. A healthy community makes the country more productive[,] thus increasing the countr[y's] economy. {I think it is better to stick to one reason per body paragraph, but develop those reasons more fully}

Overall, even though traveling on [through the] galaxy is a promising path to humankind[, I ] believe that the everyday living and dilemma[s ] that human encounters is [people encounter are] more vital and significant.


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