I think that this one is good, but it still not score 8. What do you think that I need to improve? Please help me!
Governments spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes. Most recently, Mars is the focus of scientists' attention. Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home.
Do you agree or disagree?
In these days governments are funding several programmes that aim to investigate the universe's laws and its principles. Especially, motivated by the latest discovery of water on Mars, more and more money are being invested on spaceships and space travels. According to some, this is useless with respect to the real problems that people is experiencing everyday in the real world. Although this may seem reasonable, it would be a wast and an impediment to progress to limitate those funds.
Firstly, it is commonly agreed that money spent on research projects contribute to the development of each country by enlarging its knowledge on still unknown and unexplored worlds. Therefore, investing in astrophysics, medicine, biology and in any scientific field is essential to guarantee the wellness of the country. For example, if it had not been for the discoveries made in the treatment of illnesses such as malaria, or cholera, we would have never been able to defeat them and to extinguish them. Similarly, new findings in the space could turn out to be extremely important one day.
On the other side of the problem, sometimes research may be driven too far away and will only cause consisten sums of money to be wasted. The public opinion would agree in these cases that it would have been better to use those sources to tackle down to earth issues such as overpopulation. For instance, many would agree that before looking for another planet where to live and planning spaces travel it would be wiser to solve the concernings of the planet we already have.
However, this seems to be too a narrow view of the possibilities that this universe offers. If higher authorities suspend funding such activities or reduce too much the budget, the we will never know if Mars could have been of any help in fighting overpopulation.
I think you should talk about the overall message of your paragraph in your conclusion. Since you talked about how the governments spend their money on space programmes and how the money is being wasted you could've said that you disagree because this would be helpful to our planet if we..., such and such. I hope this helps sorry.
Hi Mara, I agree that this essay that you have is a well written one, however, as I am not an EILTS administrator, I will not be able to put a scale on your essay, what I can say is that, judging your essay on a grammatical perspective, I would rate it at 9, this is because the essay depicts a highly researched, full of facts and it is a realistic approach of the matter at hand.
Moreover, it is presented in a way that not all the information is rolled in one place, the details are properly written in its own space and in its own timely sequence, meaning the logic is very evident.
I hope to review more of your work in the future and I wish you the best of luck in your EILTS. Also, keep this clean and simple approach on your essays, this will help you land a good EILTS score.
Hi,Mormontre:
I would like to offer you some ideas:
1.exploring the universe satisfies the curiosities and interests of people towards the outside world.
2.the rocks brought back by astronauts may serve useful experimental purposes, regardless of how odd-shaped they are.
3.Weather satellites transmit weather data to Earth, which helps scientists to keep track of extreme weather conditions and give warnings on natural disasters.
Hope that can help you!
