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IELTS Writing Task 2 (to speak a foreign language can cause problems)

phantommandy 1 / -  
Nov 29, 2019   #1
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

foreign language trouble

My essay :

It is very likely that living abroad will need different languages more or less. Some people think that using a foreign language can lead to severe social and practical challenges. I partly agree with the former argument since I believe technology has somehow improved the problems over the last several decades.

One of the main situations that having to speak a foreign language can cause social and practical problem is misunderstanding. Some immigrants are too old to study or unable to learn, so mostly they rely on their descendants in every aspect of life. To illustrate this point, few Chinese migrants who left Asia and moved towards the western countries in early age have little interaction with other races due to language barrier, thus they gradually have been crowded out by the local society. Because of not being familiar with them, this can easily result in resentment and even provoke racism stemmed from misinterpretation.

Furthermore, another possible situation is that migrant workers may fall into deception. For some of foreign workers, legal terms in the employment contract are difficult to understand. For example, one may be taken in malicious fraud by obviously unfair huge amount of liquidated damages for breach of contracts written in complicated terms and small size. In addition, a number of female workers have been deceived by ambiguous language and unfortunately been forced to provide sexual entertainment. However, in modern era, it is increasingly common for people to use a smartphone to translate immediately or to search for professional help on the internet. Therefore, for above cases, technology to some extent help overcome this kind of obstacles.

In conclusion, while speaking a foreign language in other countries do contribute to some problems, I believe people can make use of modern tech such as the internet, to improve the difficulties. For reasons outlined above, I can only partially agree with the statement in question.
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Nov 29, 2019   #2
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the forum! I hope that this feedback gives you an idea of how to improve your writing.

First and foremost, try to shift the tone of your writing to something that's more formal. Especially since this is an IELTS task, it is imperative to ensure that you have an academic standard for your writing. For instance, if we take a look at the first paragraph's introductory sentence, you should have changed it to be able to ensure that you're relaying the details with more ease.

Being more technically correct with your writing is also imperative for the rest of your text. If I read what you've presented in your second paragraph, it was still a bit unclear what specifically you were trying to put out as your thesis statement. Try to be clearer with your language to ensure that you aren't going to be misinterpreted by your readers in the long-run.

The concluding paragraph should also be treated with the same regard.

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