In this TED video, the speaker gives an explanation about the development of brain by learn about bilingual and multilingual languages. She discovered that the children who have learned more than one language, their brain can work differentially than others. Furthermore, she is disparate people who study about languages to two stages, active and passive learners. The active learners are doing speaking and writing whereas the passive one just learn from listening and reading. However, the active persons can get more benefits for their brain since it trains their brain for more complex situation. Finally, for the end of her speech, he said that by learning bilingual languages, it can make people smarter, healthier and also become the active person in the future.
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Muhamad, just a word of advice, remember to listen well to the voice of the speaker in the video. In this instance, the speaker was a woman and not a man so you should have used the pronoun "she" and not "he". The proper terminology used in the essay also counts towards your final score so be very careful about your pronoun assignments. Now, when you are trying to use complex terminology in the essay to prove your widened vocabulary, you must be certain that the term you are using is applicable to the scenario in this case, disparate means "essentially different in kind" or "not allowing for comparison". As you heard in the essay, no such thing happened. Instead, there was a differentiation between the types of language learners and how they learn. Therefore, you should have used a different term. In my opinion, the term you should have used could have been "differentiated" instead. To differentiate means to recognize or ascertain what makes something different. Since you are showing the difference between the types of learners, differentiate would have been the more proper term to use. Remember, using a complex word in the wrong context will have an effect on your final score. Your wide lexicon must be supported by the correct usage of the term otherwise, the reviewer will recognize that you do not really have a wide vocabulary and you do not understand the meaning of the word you used.
Hi Muhamad, below are my thoughts on your essay and as usual, I will be very direct, this will be focused on your sentence construction and how you can approach this summary better.
- of the brain by learning about the bilingual and multilingual languages.
- their brain
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- Furthermore, she i
s disparateclassifies people who
- about the languages to two stages,
- The active learners are
doing speaking and writing
- However, the active
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- more benefits
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forat the end of her speech,
There you have it Muhamad, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision. I also have one question, how can I actually listen to this video?, this way I will be able to provide you with a more constructive observation together with literally editing the essay.