Speaking a second language fluently makes a significant change in your life. Firstly, speaking a second language with fluency gains you an extensive field of knowledge. Undoubtedly, when you do not understand the lessons, you can convey your idea to your professor. Besides, you can make a video call or have a face-to-face conversation with foreigners to share information. Secondly, it is clear that you will have a brilliant career when speaking like a native communicator. If a Mexican partner suddenly appears in your company, nobody but you can communicate with him, you will surely get a chance to climb the career ladder. For example, Jack Ma learnt English to change his life and he is a billionaire now. Thirdly, talking like a native speaker helps you have a new viewpoint to the world. You can make friends with foreigners, learn about other cultures, have trips to some countries which speak your second language without any hesistancy. In conclusion, it is needless to say that speaking a second language fluently makes your life better and brighter. Not only does it help you improve your knowledge, have a close relationship with foreigners but you also have a promising career.
1. In line one,be sure to answer what kind of knowledge you are referring to. Be specific! 2. In line two, I have no idea what you're talking about. What lessons? What ideas? What is the connection between professor and language? 3. The sentence following the the professor one in line two likely ties to it, but one cannot be too sure... 4. In line three, when you refer to a Mexican partner, I suggest saying a Spanish speaker since it's more specific because a Mexican partner doesn't answer your prompt. And be sure to include why nobody can communicate with him.
5. Line four, Who is Jack Ma? Explain who this is. Also, how did English change his life? Give a little context perhaps. 6. Line five, when you refer to a new viewpoint, I suggest changing the keyword "have" into understanding a new bla bla... 7. Line six, change the word "which" to that. Which sounds weird. 8. Jumping back to line five, after "world" you could put a ":" <- whatever that's called, then put semi colons in place of each comma. Here, " Thirdly, talking like a native speaker helps you understand a new viewpoint to the world : You can make friends with foreigners; learn about other cultures; have trips to some countries which speak your second language without any hesitancy." Just makes it look fancier without going overboard :D.
I'm not sure what your word limit is on your prompt, but if there is at least a 500 word limit, then I suggest separating this into paragraphs because each point you made could be explained more thoroughly so your reader has a full understanding.
Overall, just be clear what you're talking about. As is, it looks like you're jumping all over the place.
Chrissanth, you have managed to create a paragraph that has informative talking points but does not really explain the purpose of the essay. As I advised you in the notification area, you should have provided us with a complete copy of the prompt you are responding to so that an accurate review of your essay can be provided.
In this instance, the lack of proper paragraph topic discussion development affected your presentation. Since you only provided talking points or subjects for discussion but no real discussion to help illustrate your meaning, the whole presentation is just one confusing series of sentences, not really have any meaning to it. All you did was confuse the reader to the point where it becomes frustrating to read what you wrote. Nothing can be deduced from the essay because of the lack of meaning in the presentation.
Next time, outline your discussion first. From the outline, insert the discussion points / supporting statements, then draft the essay. This outline will help you keep on point and also allow you to focus your essay on specific meaning, explanation, and content per topic sentence. I think what you presented is closer to a discussion outline than an actual discussion in itself.
While your essay does have a beginning and an end, it does not have a clear middle. The discussion part, which is the most important comes across as rushed, little thought out and really pointless. Each topic sentence in the presentation should have been a fully developed individual paragraph presentation. Now, since I have no idea what this essay is meant for, I cannot give you more specific advice. Please remember to indicate the original prompt the next time you post an essay for review.
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