Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Speaking topic: Describe a memorable period or event from your childhood

RoseHana 1 / -  
Jan 4, 2019   #1

memorable times from the past

Everybody has childhood memories and among of them some are happy and some are sad. For me, my childhood is quite unhappy and I would like to talk about my childhood memory related to my mother.

My parent divorced when I was 5 and I lived with my father. My mother rent a house and it is far from our place about 5km. at that period I missed her so much and I didn't have a phone to contact her. I just could meet her every weekend. On Friday evening, she came and picked me up to her place

I wished the time passing fast to see her again because Saturday and Sunday were my happiest time with my younger sister and my mother. However, there was one time. I waited for her for 2 weeks but she didn't come and pick me up. Hence I cried so much and one Friday, after the last class at Primary School, I walked to her house by myself without asking my father's permission. I walk there by my memories and when I came, my mother was so surprised. She was so worried because I was just 6 years old and I might be snap-kid or lost way. After that, while I was playing, my father suddenly came up and he was very angry. My parents quarrelled so badly and I did nothing except crying. I didn't want to go home with my father at all because I want to stay with my mother. Finally, I stayed with my mother and she brought me back to my father on Sunday evening. My parents told me couldn't do that again. I know both of them to love me and worry about me and I was a risk when I did like that. Later on, when my mother was too busy, she couldn't come to meet me and I just cried alone and waited for her to next time. So that was my sad memories of my childhood and I still remember the day evidently.
hellstein 2 / 3 1  
Jan 5, 2019   #2
My mother ... and it is was far from ...
at that period I used to miss her ...
.., she used to come and picked me up to her place.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,647 3480  
Jan 5, 2019   #3
Hoa, when you write a conjunction, always remember to add a comma as in the case of "... some are happy, and some are sad". The same error exists in "... is quite unhappy, and I ..." along with "... 2 weeks, but she..." There are several other instances of the missing comma in relation to a conjunction in your essay which I am sure you can spot for yourself now that you have an idea of how the conjunction with a comma is used in sentence structures.

In a written and oral speech, you must avoid using contractions in your presentation due to the formal nature of the discussion. In an academic and professional paper, it is never correct to say "didn't". It is always presented as "did not." Neither should you say "couldn't", it is always "could not". Also, since you are writing a speech that should be conveying animated emotions or reactions, use more descriptive adverbs such as "... my father came up and he was incredibly angry" since it offers a more emotional imagination of the scene than "... he was very angry." By the way, since you are recalling a vivid memory, you should say "I remember the day vividly" instead of "... day evidently." Evidently refers a way that is clear and understood but since you are describing the image of a scene, you should say vividly as it is more applicable as a descriptive adverb.

Overall, the speech has potential. The listener will be able to make sense of the speech, provided you speak clearly and loudly so that you can be understood by the audience. This is not a bad effort at writing an English speech. I know you can show improvements in the future.

Home / Writing Feedback / Speaking topic: Describe a memorable period or event from your childhood