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Spending comparison among five countries - ielts task 1 writing

windy 2 / 4  
Dec 1, 2019   #1

what people tend to buy the most

the table below gives information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002
The table demonstrated propotion of money which citizens un five european nations spent on 3 different items in 2002
Overall , in all five countries , residents spent highest percentage of their expenditure on food , drinks , tobacco and significant less on leisure , education
It's obvious that , among 5 countries , Turkish and Irish expended the highest rate of their income on food , drinks and tobacco with 32,14% and 28,91% in turn in 2002. While people in other nations like Spain , Italy and Sweden just paid out 18,8%,16,36% and 15,77% respectly of thier spending on this items in that year

The amount of money , as a percentage of expenditure that people spent for clothing , footwear as well as leisure, education was lower. On clothing and footwaear categories , Italian paid highest money for that with 9% . Whereas , citizens of other nation expended only the number from 5,4% to 6,63%. In the contract , the money spent on leisure and education accounted for the highest number at 4,35% in that period by Turkish and the lowest belonged to Spanish with 1,98% . The average propotion of this item expent by Sweden , Ireland and Italia people was 3,22%, 3,20%, 2,21% respectly.
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Dec 2, 2019   #2
Hello! It would be helpful if you would include the table's photo for the people in the forum to clearly see what you are evaluating for this essay.

Although it's a small part of the writing, remember to practice the very basics that you have to have hold of. This includes punctuation, spacing, and integrating proper transition words. I observed that you struggle with all these three in your messages - perhaps because you had a tendency to jump from one portion of the text to the other.

It is also helpful for you to remove unnecessary parts of the text. For instance, notice how if you removed the phrase "in all five countries" in the immediate first paragraph, it would still mean the same thing. Realizing this pattern of logic will help you trim down your writing to only what is necessary, which is oftentimes what is sought after in practice essays as they test your grasp of the basics before presuming you have skills in the complex parts of it all.
Ghitamalia 3 / 4 2  
Dec 15, 2019   #3
Hi @Windy !

I have some comments on your essay:

Firstly, Please put the image, so we as the reader know the question clearly.

Secondly, You should avoid typographical errors.

Lastly, For the overall, try to write the general trend while including the language of comparison and changes. For instance:

Overall ...

If I were you, I will write:

Overall, in all five countries, ... on food, drinks, and tobacco while they paid out less significantly on leisure and education.

Hopefully, those could be useful for your future writing.
OP windy 2 / 4  
Dec 15, 2019   #4
thank you , it's very helpful to me

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