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Task 1: spending income on three fast food categories in 1990


Mimi07 9 / 15 2  
Apr 17, 2016   #1
The UK spending income on three fast food categories in 1990 is presented in bar chart and the line chart measures expenditure on fast food by income group between 1970 and 1990. Both categorised by hamburger, fish and chips, and pizza. It is noticeable that expenditure on hamburger and pizza dropped significantly while expenditure on fish and chips fluctuates. Then, expenditure on hamburger breaks the record as the highest favourite fast food among others except low income. It can also seen during 20 years expenditure in hamburger and fish and chips rose significantly while expenditure in pizza dropped dramatically.

In 1990, spending on hamburger and pizza presented a rise significant but on the other hand expenditure on fish and chips was changeable. After that, expenditure on hamburger witnessed dominant categories in the high income (around 42%) and average income while fish and chips was the highest expenditure on fast food in low income. Interestingly fish and chips has the same number on high and low income, at 17%.

Beside that, hamburger and fish and chips increase dramatically from 1970 to 1990. However, pizza fell significantly during the period. In the early period, pizza revealed as the most favourite in expenditure income on fast food that over 300, yet pizza became very low expenditure income between 1985 and 1990. Next, the most popular in the end of period was fish and chips.




tria25 12 / 19 4  
Apr 17, 2016   #2
Hello Mimi,
I would like to give you some suggestions for your IELTS writing enhancement, and hope you find these advices helpful. overall, your writing is good, wheareas I found some errors as follows:

Both categorised by hamburger, fish and chips, and pizza.this sentence needs a verb because a sentence should consist a subject and a verb at least.

... hamburger and pizza dropped significantly, while expenditure on fish ...It is better for you to use coma before while word.

It can also be seen duringover 20 years expenditure in hamburger and, fish and chips rose significantly, while expenditure in(redundancy) pizza dropped dramatically.

a rise significanta significant rose
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 17, 2016   #3
Mimi, while most people are having problem with their 'too short' introduction, you have a 'rare' problem with 'too bulky' introduction. I notice that perhaps you were a little bit confuse about the general trends which you put in your introduction, since there were two charts there, bar chart and line graph. My suggestion is that, try to compress it become one or two sentences overview. For example, the first clause is for the bar chart, the second clause explaining the general trend of the line graph. Let me try to help you creating an alternative for that:

A comparison of the information about the United Kingdom spending on three types of fast food according to income groups is depicted in the bar chart and the line graph. It is measured in percentage and the number of meals between 1970 and 1990. Overall, it can be seen that, hamburger attracted high income group the most, while its rate was significantly increased over 2-decade period.

As you can see, a proper general trend or overview in the introduction can be compressed into three sentences.
I hope you find my feedback is useful and I would be glad to see another post of your writing soon :)
Hengki Yonathan 4 / 4  
Apr 17, 2016   #4
The UK spending income on ...

The UK spending income on three fast food categories classified by high, average, and low income in 1990 and the spending over the period from 1970 to 1990 is presented in bar and line charts


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