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Spending a lot of time at work - positive or negative?

bdmqnh 7 / 16 5  
Jul 28, 2020   #1
In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? And is it positive or negative development?

*note: Since the question is about reasons and whether it is positive or negative, can I batch the requirement and seperate into 2 paragraphs (positive, negative with the reasons included in it)?

In this modern day and age, it is undeniable that an increasing number of people are devoting more time at work than ever before. This trend happens for a number of reasons and it is considered partially positive and negative.

On the one hand, there are two main factors explained for why spending longer hours at work is positive. Firstly, society is becoming increasingly developed which leads to the increase in people's demand and costs. Since working longer hours at work earns people higher income, they will be able to make enough of a living to satisfy their requirements. Secondly, working overtime means people can approach opportunities to get promotions and rewards. This is because with more time set aside to work, workers may be able to learn more skills, acquire more experience and achievements which give them a big plus over other colleagues. My uncle, for example, who is working as a Chinese interpreter besides doing clerical work in the morning, is promoted to head of department after only one year which is fairly early compared to those working nine to five.

On the other hand, having more time at work also brings a number of negative sides. First thing first, since people want to earn a salary as high as possible, they are willing to work overtime with heavy workload. This would cause them to become exhausted, stressed out or even depressed. In the long term, they would suffer from serious health risks which dramatically affect life quality. Another drawback of this is that people may be prevented from accomplishing outside-work duties. Those who are working are mostly among the age of having a family. As a result, this means they are likely to neglect their family if they devote a huge amount of time to work. Vietnamese parents, for example, whose kids usually have to fend for themselves without any confidence with their parents or clear orientation from them as they have to get involved in laborious jobs that take them most of the day. Consequently, their children would not be provided with sustainable up-bringing which results in further struggles in life.

In conclusion, the tendency of spending more time at work has both advantages and disadvantages and it is caused by several culprits which are demonstrated above.
Tracy Tram 2 / 6  
Jul 28, 2020   #2
Hi. Trước tiên mình xin cảm ơn vì đã sửa bài giúp mình. Sau đây là 2 suggestions của mình nha:^^

-explained for why...
- only one year , which is... Mình suggest thêm dấu phẩy ở đây vì câu sau có tính chất làm rõ

Hope my suggestions useful!
jhhh11 14 / 30  
Jul 28, 2020   #3
Hi! Here are some suggestions for you:

- I think that if they ask "is it positive or negative development?", you should pick 1 side. Your opinion is not clearly stated in the essay, which may lead to lower TA score.

- The way that you construct the essay is not so clear as well. The question is not a "discuss both sides" type. Where did you give reasons to the increment in work hours?

I suggest you to have 1 body paragraph that contains all the causes and 1 body to argue if it is a positive OR negative trend (pick 1 side only).
OP bdmqnh 7 / 16 5  
Jul 28, 2020   #4
oh i see. Thanks so much for ur help

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