spending money on computer technology or on basic needs?

Hi..

I am preparing for TOEFL and here is my essay..Please give me your suggestions on it..

Thanks..
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Question:- Some people think that government should spend as much as money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Others people disagree and think that this money should spend on more basic needs. Which one of this opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

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I strongly agree with those people who support that government should not spend great amount of money on developing computer technology instead they should use those money on more basic needs. I would like to discuss following reasons in support of my argument.

First of all, let us consider the education system of our country. What I believe is that getting the best education in this modern world is the most basic thing that everyone needs in their life. Education is getting more and more expensive everyday. I believe that there are many children in our country who want to study, but they can not get access to school because they can not afford the high cost of getting an admission to the school. As a result, those children ended up getting labor work which is nothing but increasing our country's overall poverty. I think what government can do is, they can fund money on creating free educational organizations so those children would take advantage of it, and consequently it helps in improving our whole education system as well as our economy.

Secondly, government should try to think about the issues of public transportation of our country. This is the another basic need that is necessary in our daily routine life. We have limited access to buses and trains, and we need more improvements in roads and highways. In addition, some villagers even do not have frequent access to trains and buses, and sometimes they have to wait for longer period of time at the station. It is becoming harder and harder for people to reach to their work. I think government should spend money in improving infrastructure of the roads and highways. They can focus on building more highways and roads in the villages, and making more availability of buses and trains to all people who live in villages so they do not have to spend vast amount of time waiting for the bus or train.

From given the evidences, it seems to me that spending more money on basic need is the wisest idea that government should take into account. I certainly think that improving basic needs like making our education systems least expensive and making improvements on public transportation would help improving our country's overall economy.

Well, in this intro you assume that your reader already knows about what your prompt is about. However, the pattern we generally follow for this task is that we first introduce the prompt to the reader and then state our opinion.

Hope you pay attention to our previous posts and accordingly improve your essay structure :) This essay sounds too personal and by presenting it in that manner, you have narrowed down its scope severely which is not proper.

First of all, let us consider the education system of our country. (you should come to examples once you finish justifying your position in the argument)