Spending a semester in a foreign university (GRE Issue Essay)

Question
All college and university students would benefit from spending at least one semester studying in a foreign country.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Response
The author is of the view that all college and university students would benefit from spending at least one semester studying in a foreign country. While many of us may agree with this view, there are various aspects that need to analyzed thoroughly before coming to a solid conclusion.

Admittedly, spending a few months in a foreign university would provide students an opportunity to work in a culturally and intellectually different setting from the one in their home country. Staying away from home would prepare students to survive independently and also learn to adjust in this rapidly shifting world. For example, students would require to take crucial decisions as well as do your personal work yourself, which is otherwise neglected and left on to the parents when one stays at home. Furthermore, in a foreign university students could avail better research faclities and opportunities that would not have been possible in there home institution. For example, in Germany, a student could be provided with world-class infrastructure and work with the best researchers in automobile industry, which is not possible in India. One must admit as well that a broad outlook and tolerance is imbued by witnessing the rich culture, diversity and exchanging ideas from people with different civilizations and backgrounds. Appreciation of foreign language and life-style would be pivotal in understanding that there is a common thread that binds all mankind.

One the other hand, it is also true that making it necessary for students to study in a foreign country could have its own negative effects. Experience would tell us that all students do not find it suitable to settle down in a foreign country initially, especially the ones coming from a comparably conservative background. The different food, language, culture and an all together different environment could make it difficult for a student to focus on his studies and research. It could preclude the primary objective of introducing this program and instead, inhibit interaction and thus learning. The local problems of the foreign country and working environment could also deter students and have a negative effect on their morale.

Although I believe that university students would benefit from spending some time studying in a foreign country, the policy should be implemented effectively and the students should be given a choice whether they wish to avail this opportunity. In my opinion, a flexible scheme if brought into action would not only foster stronger relations between countries but also work in the favour of research and thus benefit mankind in the long run.

The introduction is not appropriate at all. U should open the introduction with a motivator. Write an interesting statement at the beginning of the essay. A motivator can be a "quotation", "Proverb", "statistics", "Story", "historical event", "question", etc. Then write the thesis statement. What is the main idea of the essay? Reword the topic as the thesis statement. Give your opinion and finally write a blueprint.

students would require to take crucial decisions as well as do your personal work yourself(revise the highlighted words. The subject is "students" but you used "your" and "yourself" which are wrong)


This example is good, but if you want to write an excellent example you should add some more details to the example. For instance if you give the name of a care company it may become more tangible and believable.

Regards
Ahmad

Thanks a lot for the suggestions. I would also like to know about the content, the number of points presented and the flow of the essay. I felt I presented fewer points as I was running out of time (I answered it as per the time allotted for the GRE Issue writing section.)

I think the content is good. U provided some good examples, but there is an important thing that u should pay attention to. At the introduction u stated that you agree with the topic, but u wrote only one paragraph about the reasons why you are in agreement with the statement. Try to write two or three paragraphs about your opinion (agree or disagree) to convince your reader. Furthermore, It would be better to take one position, either agree or disagree, and u do not need to write about both sides. Another important point is that u should write about one specific issue in each paragraph. In the second paragraph of the essay u talked about a wide range of advantages that studying abroad could proved a student. I think u should divide the second paragraph to several paragraphs and at each one explain one advantage.