Spendings number for various goods in some part of the world

Expenditures in Japan and Malaysia

The pie chart compares the proportion of household spending in Japan and Malaysia during 2010. Overall, it can be seen that the smallest percentage of both countries in the health care.

Looking at the figure, the most popular expenditure in Malaysia was housing, witnessing nearly more than a third of all spending, but it was the third popular in Japan at 21%. At 26%, other goods and services was the third position of spending in Malaysia, while it was most popular in Japan at less than a third. Interestingly, both of two countries occupied the second position of spending on food at the period given.

In the remaining figure, household spending on transport in Malaysia and Japan was in the fourth proportion rate, but a domination was shown by Japan with more than double. Again, this also occurs in health care category with both of two countries was the last rate, but Malaysia spending a half lower than Japanese did.

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Firstly, there are 2 bar charts, so you have a mistake in your first sentence -

The pie chart compares the proportion of ... --- The pie charts compare the proportions of the ....

I don't like your overview - It's always better your overview to be a complex stentence - You have not written enough inforamtion. I will give you an example : "Overall, in Malaysia the average family spends most of their money on housing, whereas in Japan the greatest expenditure is for different services and goods than the presented one's. The smallest proportion in both countries during 2010 was the health care. "

most popular expenditure - You could say so, but I would rather replace the word "popular".

It's noticeable, that you have used the word "popular" - 3 tymes. Try to use different words, in order to not sound repeatable.

was the third postion - was the third most common/ had the third biggest proportion.

Alright Fiza, I would give you a brief suggestions regarding to your fabulous essay.

First, actually, you give outstanding introduction, however, the sentence, the smallest percentage of both countries in the health care . Its better if you correct it with the smallest percentage of expenditure for both countries was health care.

...Looking at the figures
witnessing -> witnessed
On the remaining figures ,
household expenditure

Cheers,