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TOEFL:Sport may be dangerous if we will become possessed by it too much.


djanat 19 / 29  
Mar 10, 2010   #1
Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

there are a lot of young children how practice sport. Some of them practice the sport they love such soccer or basketball, others practice the sport that their parents have obliged them to. Whatever the reasons for what the young children practice sport, practicing sport has some advantages and disadvantages.

Sport is one of the most important thing that help young children to stay healthy. By practicing sport young people can stay far from being obese which lead forward to some diseases such as heart disease or diabetes. Also ,it is well known that sport release pressure from the young children who attend daily their schools. So they can spend their free time in practicing sport to have some pleasure and fun. Another advantage of practicing sport by young children is that sport teaches them how to face their fear. This skill will be useful for them to solve their problems and issues with brave and responsibility.

On the other hand , spending much time in practicing sport by young children has other consequences that can negatively affect the entire life of the young child. The child at this age can be influenced a lot by the sport. Thus, the sport will divert them from focusing in their studies. Also, when children spend much of their time in practicing sport, it leads to be less sociable. They will miss the opportunity to share some time with their families or their friends. Progressively, they will lonely and lose contact with people.

It is good and important that young children practice sport , but it will be dangerous for them if they become possessed by it. The right thing is to give each thing the adequate time.

please send me the feedback of this essay . be harsh

megha 7 / 13  
Mar 10, 2010   #2
there are a lot of young children how practice sport.START WITH THE CAPITAL LETTER NEW PARA.
There are lot Of young children Who practice sport.
Some of them play games which they love, soccer or basketball, others practice the sport that their parents have obliged them. Whatever the reasons for what the young children practice sport, practicing sport has some advantages and disadvantages.

This skill will be useful for them to became brave and solve their problems and issues easily.On the other hand , spending (BEFORE COMMA THERE IS NEAR A SPACE. BUT AFTER THAT IS THERE)On the other hand, spending much time in practicing sport by young children has other consequences that can negatively affect the entire life of the young child.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Mar 11, 2010   #3
You didn't capitalize the first letter of the essay.

Whatever the reasons for the sport practiced by young children, practicing sport has some advantages and disadvantages.

Sport is one of the most important things that help young children to stay healthy.

By practicing sports young people can stay ...

Another advantage of the practicing of sports by young children is that ...

On the other hand , spending much time practicing sports by young children has other consequences that can negatively affect the entire life of the young child. The child at this age can be influenced a lot by the sport. Thus, the sport will divert them from focusing on their studies. Also, when children spend much of their time in practicing sports, it leads them to be less sociable. They will miss the opportunity to share some time with their families or their friends. Progressively, they will become lonely and lose contact with people.

It is good and important that young children practice sports, but it will be dangerous for them if they become possessed by it. The right thing is to give each thing the adequate time.

Awesome! You write very well, very clearly with only small mistakes.


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