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Sport and motivations - money influence?


asoa 1 / 2  
Oct 19, 2009   #1
Affects money and fame motivations on youth and sports themselves in sport matches.
In all generations motivation on sport was crucial and today it isn't in a best way for youth and sport. Nowadays winners more time prefer and think about money which they will own after matches. Additionally, they have chances to become fame and change their life extremely. Consequently, all these opportunities influence to both adolescents and sport.

It affects bad because some time team loose persons whose have got ability to continue career, but their high achievements path them to an other sides. Money and fame distract them from professional sport and they waste more time to relax. Obviously, they don't concentrate much on trainings. Thus after getting medals their level reduced. There have got facts about some famous sportsman who afterwards tend to terrible behaviors. Evidently national teams are very significant for develop sport. Ever information about champions becomes priority and people make conclusion about them. As a result young people can't see the sport's positive aspects. Otherwise they may be more link sport with wealth and recognition.

Secondly sport become like challenges where fame and money are very noteworthy. This is the bad for games because it causes to forget some of them. So in this environment much kind of sports which are important for our heath can leave out.

Sport is one of the wonderful thing for our life and we should more give attention to on it's affects to maintain us healthy and out of any bad habits. For solving problem people who get some medals or names government can make agreement with them to continue their career in stabilized interests of each part.

qyuiosilent 4 / 22  
Oct 19, 2009   #2
Hi,

At the first place, is this an essay meant for undergraduate admission? If yes, please insert the prompt and question so forum users can give constructive comments on the content. I just briefly looked through and spotted some grammatical errors in the first paragraph and I'm sure there are many in your essay, but I won't want to read on/check them if you have posted at the wrong place.
OP asoa 1 / 2  
Oct 19, 2009   #3
Hi
I want you cheched assay and correct my mistakes. I am planning to get IELTS exam soon.
So I wish this forum could help me to develop my writing.
EF_Stephen - / 264  
Oct 19, 2009   #4
There are many many errors in this.

Wrong prepositions, missing prepositions, statements like

It affects bad because some time team loose persons whose have got ability to continue career, but their high achievements path them to an other sides. Money and fame distract them from professional sport and they waste more time to relax.

that make absolutely no sense at all.

First: use vocabulary you know. Don't depend on a thesaurus to give you a nice high-sounding word that doesn't fit.

Second: review sentence structure. Your sentence constructions are not standard English style, i.e. S-V-O.

Third: follow a plan for this writing. Find a good beginning and follow it to a logical conclusion.
OP asoa 1 / 2  
Oct 19, 2009   #5
Thank Stehen for your help.


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