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It is the sport, the multiculturalism; What Australia Means To Me

jgv115 4 / 25  
Oct 9, 2009   #1
Hello guys! I'm working on an expository piece and the topic is:

What Australia Means To You

I've only done the introduction because I'm not really happy with it. But I just can't seem to fix the problem; I was hoping you guys could help me out.

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Australia means different things to everyone. It could be the vast landscape, the music or the equality of everyone that we all take for granted. For me, it is the sport, the multiculturalism we get here and the glorious weather. Sport means a lot to me and is highly encouraged within the Australian society. The multiculturalism in Australia is great as you can experience difference cultures and the weather is always perfect; not too cold, not too hot.

dens420 1 / 6  
Oct 9, 2009   #2
sounds good but seems like your missing something, try to start with a quote or some sort of attention getter
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 9, 2009   #3
The something you're missing is unity. What do sports, multiculturalism, and the weather have to do with one another? Now, if you were writing about how you valued the sporting culture of Australia, which includes and reflects the values of many different cultures (perhaps by including a wide range of sports with roots in many countries) and which it is able to do because of the weather and climate which permit a wide range of sports (if in fact this is the case), then you would have an interesting basis for an essay.
quiksilverq 2 / 4  
Oct 10, 2009   #4
you could use a stronger introduction sentence.
thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Oct 10, 2009   #5
i think u should notice to the way you use the article "the", seen not good
OP jgv115 4 / 25  
Oct 11, 2009   #6
Wrote body paragraphs. Not sure what to write for the conclusion

When I think about Australia, the first thing that comes up for me is sport. There's no doubt that sport is and will always be part of Australian culture. Because I've lived here so long, sport is a big part of my life and the fact that there are a myriad of sporting clubs in the community makes it easier to enjoy the sports I like. Sport is very popular in Australia; this is evident when we see close to one hundred thousand people flocking to the MCG to watch the AFL Grand Final, or when we get a consistent crowd attendance of forty thousand at a test match. Although sport played for enjoyment, we also take it very seriously. Australia is one of the few countries who have a highly accomplished sports institute where athletes from all sports can go to train. We have the "Sport Australia Hall Of Fame" of which people are inducted every year. Another big part of Australia is its diversity. Australia can really be called the multicultural capital of the world.

One of the unique "features" we have in Australia is its multiculturalism, we are famous for it. Never in history have we seen such a diverse community. From Australia's very beginnings, the country was always filled with people from a lot of different countries all sharing their ideas for a perfect country. In Victoria, we even have suburbs that "belong" to races. As a result of this, we can easily experience different cuisines, cultures and meet different people much easier. For example, we can take a trip to the bustling streets of Springvale if we want to eat a lot of Asian foods or shop for Asian products. There are restaurants and shops of all types. Because of this, it is very easy to try out a cuisine you have never tried before.

The weather we get in Australia can be sometimes beautiful and sometimes a bit quirky. We could get a perfect sunny day, not too cold not too hot and we can get all four seasons in one day. This is what I love about the Australian weather, the ominous rain to the burning sun; the randomness of it all intrigues me. Australia's spring weather attracts the beautiful and flamboyant plants that we see every year at the Spring Carnival and the Commonwealth Park flower display. While Australia's summer weather threatens to burn the weak, we see a very different variety of plants in summer.
thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Oct 11, 2009   #7
what is your essay for?for ielts or toefl test, i am afraid that it is too long,
OP jgv115 4 / 25  
Oct 11, 2009   #8
It isn't for a test. It is school work.

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