Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width NEW!

Sport personalities' salaries + blaming crime on media - Writing task 2 for Ielts

phanhuyen 2 / 3  
Jul 26, 2010   #1
Next time thread will be removed again; you must learn about composing a relevant thread title.


Please help me to correct these essays. I need this to improve my writing skill. Thanks a lot!
Sports now receive too much attention from the public. Sport personalities are paid much more than they deserve.

To what extent you agree or disagree?

Sport is always a domain which has attracted people all around the world. Therefore, athletes who are successful in sports are always admired and paid a lot of money. Some people claimed that athletes are paid much more than they deserve. From my perspective, for being successful all sport stars have had to work very hard, so things that they received are all deserved.

Firstly, different from other fields, to be successful in sports, people need not only efforts but also talent. Not many people can achieve peaks at sports. In addition, they have to spend all their youth on training to become successful sportsmen. Take for instance, football players who want to be famous and successful need to be trained since they were kids. They have to spend their childhoods on football fields instead of playing or studying like other normal children. They have to pay a high price for their success. Training and working very hard, but not all football players could become successful and famous, the also need aptitude and luck. So, when they play well and gain awards, the deserve to have attention from public and to be paid well.

Moreover, sports are hard work to do. Because almost all athletes might only reach their achievements in sports when they are young and strong and they could suffer injuries on training or competitions. Therefore, people who consider sports as their career have a short period of time to earn money from their vocation. Consequently, sportsmen are deserved to receive much money than other jobs for what they have done.

In conclusion, people might think that it is unfair if athletes can receive much more than others, I'm of the view that they have enough aptitude and endeavour, so they have rights to receive what they are deserved.

( 301 words)

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In modern life, computers and televisions seem not the be lacked. They have brought many benefits but they have caused many problems. People in many countries believe that violent images which usually appears on televisions, computers and video games can be main reasons for the rapid growth of crime. In my opinion, these violent images might cause some bad effects on people who see but they are not major reasons for the increase in crime rates.

Firstly, although it could be said that some offenders of violent crime were influenced by these violent images, I am of the view that violent images and games can not be blamed. There are many strong reasons to explain the increase in crime on the society such as families break, drug abuse or unemployment. They have caused many psychological problems in people, especially adolescents who do not have enough knowledges to protect themselves.

In addition, not all people who have seen images of violence on televisions or computer games are going to commit crimes. For instance, there are many gamers who play violent computer games everyday. If violent images were main reasons causing crime, then all of these gamers would become criminals, but they would not. Form my perspective, a main reason for the increase in crime was the weakness of education systems from families to schools. If education systems were good , every individuals could have abilities to distinguish between violent images and real life and the could avoid bad effects caused by images of violence.

In conclusion, we can not blame on the violent images for the rapid growth of crime. There are many others reasons that we have to consider and find the way to solve them instead of putting all responsibility on images of violence or computer games.

( 299 words)

With the rise in popularity of the internet, newspapers will soon become a thing of the past
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Thesedays, the Internet is seemed to be the most popular communication way in the world. Some may say that although the Internet is developing with incredible speed, newspapers is still the best way to follow news. However, my own personal view is that with an enormous speed of development on the Internet all over the world, newspapers will soon be forgotten.

While it might be argued that newspapers are more traditional and none of other types of communication can replace newspapers in lives, the truth is that people, especially young people prefer using their computers to follow news on the Internet to reading newspapers. There may some rare places where the Internet has not reached out, people have to use newspapers as the main communication to follow news . Nevertheless,using the Internet wastes less time and money searching news than buying newspapers and surfing the Internet instead of producing newspapers may be helpful in order to protect our environment.

It can be denied that surfing the Internet saves much time and money than reading newspapers. With a computer and a cable or wifi, people can surf the Internet to find news in anywhere they want. With only one click, they can read news all over the world and news is updated every minute. If people read newspapers , it will take a long time to find information that they are searching for and it will also take lots of money. Because of conveniences come from the Internet, thesedays, people prefer the Internet to newspapers.

Furthermore, using the Internet instead of printing newspapers might help the world to protect environment. To print newspapers people have to use a lot of woods, so they have to destroy forests. Deforestation is one of main causes for the lose of environment balance. We can reduce the using of woods by stop printing newspapers and using the Internet, instead.

In conclusion, the rapid rise of the Internet is a recent trend in modern life. Despite the fact that many people still using newspapers as the main way to search news, the Internet will soon replace newspapers and becomes the most popular and convenient communication way to follow news.

( 387 words)

Home / Writing Feedback / Sport personalities' salaries + blaming crime on media - Writing task 2 for Ielts