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Should sports and art be removed from curriculum?

hunghung1234 1 / 3 1  
Aug 9, 2013   #1
Some school have intention to replace sport and art is a subject with which is considered more practical to kid education. Agree or disagree???

The regulation of replacing sport and art is a subject of debate. Some people think that intention has positive effect to kid education while others people claim that children development will be put at risk because of this. I strongly disagree with the former intention for the following reasons.

Firstly, in educationally, children who playing sport can prevail their talent. For example, no sooner my sister learn badminton and won in the tournament her school than she was invited to join national team. Beside, it is believed children learn art can develop their imagination . picasso is the most example, as a result of learning painting in the school, he was become a famous artist. However, waste many time into learn sport and art , children are not enough time learn other subject, unable focus their main duty, and as a result, their worsing academic performance. Moreover, while replacing sport and art , teacher have more time to teach others subject closer.

The second, in economically , governerment will save alot of money and can be used invest to others industrial, teacher have time to relax after hard work. Futhermore , the income of teacher who teach sport and art can reduce, their life put at risk, followed by a went up of unemployment rate.

Equally importaint, playing sport is benificial for children health. According social, 70% children who do not play sport could be obesity, autism, communication problems and many other diseases. Although, children can have accident while they play sport.

In brift, i strongly disagree with this idea because learn sport and art bring many advantage on the children develop. Nevertheless, we should be careful in teaching to avoid the accident.

posdream 4 / 12 5  
Aug 9, 2013   #2
In brift - in brief.
OP hunghung1234 1 / 3 1  
Aug 9, 2013   #3
thanks Posdream, i think this essaay have many miss take but i don't know because i'm writting very bad :D
have u skype or facebook??
jflo 4 / 12 2  
Aug 9, 2013   #4
Firstly, in education, children who play sports...

Or you can use your in addition, more over, furthermore to introduce another idea/ paragraph.

One idea= one paragraph, you have to expound by giving supporting details and then an example.

Proper capitalization.
Subject verb agreement.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 9, 2013   #5
There are a few things you need to follow as a forum member. First, this post should have been posted under Writing Feedback category and not Undergraduate category (I moved it from there to Writing Feedback). Second, you should have had a more meaningful topic indicating the purpose (e.g. IELTS, TOEFL, GRE etc.) That would help you earn more relevant and useful comments.

There are many grammar issues in this essay. Even your prompt seems to be having problems. Did you copy it from somewhere or type on your own?

in educationally,

in education
OP hunghung1234 1 / 3 1  
Aug 9, 2013   #6
this my essay and have many errors :)
I will learn and implement the rules of the forum, thank you for reminding
thanks mod very much :D
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 9, 2013   #7
No worries.... Those rules would help you earn more comments too :D Try to express your ideas in a more simple tone. You can improve a lot with practice. Make another post to this thread with your revised version. I'll help you :)
DaTru3Life 2 / 4 2  
Aug 9, 2013   #8
I agree with "jflo". You should use a variety of transition words. Having a variety gives the reader not only the impression you know what you are talking about, it also doesn't bore them.
thomascarlson - / 7  
Aug 13, 2013   #9
No,Sports and Art should not be banned from school syllabus.These are very essential for the proper growth of the children.There should be classes to improve the art skills of students.
givemebrave 2 / 3 1  
Aug 13, 2013   #10
, governerment will save alot of money →a lot of money

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