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Sports can be bridge to peace and understanding between countries and societes


trvaanh 10 / 20  
Oct 16, 2018   #1

Sporting occasions releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.



Topic Popular events like football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Team sports build briges between nations and one community as well. Among those cultural occasions, sporting events emerge to be remarkable highlights all over the world. It cannot be denied that sport plays an important role in a lasting peace. Not only does it cause a decline in international conflicts but it can also help the people in a country have an opportunity to show their patriotism.

Firstly, aggression by one nationality against another can be tolerated through sporting events such as World Cup and Olympics. For example, that both North and South Korean joining in one team at Olympics 2018 should help ease political issues between the two countries. As a result, two divided territories could feel the solidarity and potentially cooperate in other fields in the future. The long-standing relationship among different countries can be strongly developed.

Secondly, national unity gradually grows as the sport matches passed by. For instance, in the final match of AFC U23 Championship, between Vietnam and Uzbekistan, thousands of people gathered on the street and shared the happiness though they were strangers to others. Although the result was not as expected, the Vietnamese fans considered the U23 team as heroes and sincerely encouraged them. Thus, patriotic feeling comes from the effort and fighting spirit of the sport teams and the heart beating to the matches of their fans.

In conclusion, due to its positive effects on nationalism and the harmony of the world, I think popular sporting occasions are supported to be held as much as possible in the years to come. Also, the governments should enhance the security system in order to ensure the safety of players and spectators as well during the sport celebrations.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,003 3877  
Oct 17, 2018   #2
Tran, you have a good prompt paraphrase but your response to the question is missing. What is your measured response to the extent question? I am afraid that you misunderstood the prompt and wrote simply a personal opinion essay from beginning to end. The essay should be a response to the question being asked in the original prompt. That is the basis of the thesis statement of your prompt paraphrase. Look at the missing piece in your first paragraph below:

Question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Response: Not only does it cause a decline in international conflicts but it can also help the people in a country have an opportunity to show their patriotism.


As you can see, what happened in your response is, you changed the total discussion parameters of the essay. Instead of providing the extent response (ex. partially, totally, significantly, wholly, etc.) you provided a personal opinion instead for the rephrased thesis part. Therefore, this essay will get a failing mark in the task accuracy section. Which means that the essay, though proper in explanation in the reasoning paragraphs, but lacking a concluding summary at the end, will not be able to get passing marks in an actual test. Aside from the reasons previously mentioned, there are also the remaining scoring criteria deductions that the essay will be getting, all of which combine for a negative score on your part.


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