Now I discuss both points of view.
Well, this phrase is too common, as thousand students always use this. I suggest that you rewrite it. ( See how @ruwchii helps you)Para 2:
First of all ( a comma here)(some) people argue that the number of sports facilities should be increased
forto improve public health. (Why you say so? give a clear reason prior to an example)
Let's give a try: It is believed that the number of sports facilities should be increased to improve public health, as this will encourage people to do physical exercise even in busy activities.
Also, this paragraph needs a small example as to support the topic sentence and a small conclusion prior to open a new paragraph. Let's give a tryA 2001 Harvard study pointed out that the significant rise in Japanese health has grown rapidly since the late 1960s, as the government invested more money in supporting public health by introducing the insurance of universal health in 1961. As it can be seen from the example, public health facilities ensure people to pay more attention to all aspect of their everyday life.
This appropriate abbreviation cannot be used in Academic Writing, or IELTS.Para 3
Whereas, second argue that sports facilities are not enough for improving public health. They said that many other things require with sports facility for public health. Because of health damaged by unhealthy food, they do not go for morning walk and exercise and they have many health problems due to bad life style. Therefore, they insist to Govt. to give awareness about healthy diet, exercises, morning walk, and healthy life style and also provide best medical facility to public. In this regard a campaign should be start about healthy diet and bad habits, it is also take strict action against whose selling bad food product and drugs etc.
This needs to rewrite. You could imitate the aforementioned layout. Sorry to resay: each topic sentence is to have at least a clear reason, a scientific example, and a small conclusion.Para 4
My point of view with second argues, I think public health required many other things along with sports facilities. Sports facility is a big factor of improving public health but it is not enough, so should b provide all other measures to public for their good health by Govt.
You are not allowed to introduce a new topic here. A conclusion is to write with the following steps:
1. A concluding signal: In conclusion, to sum up, etc
2. Restate the thesis statement
3. Recall the main points
4. Personal thought: recommendation, fears, or hopes.