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Sports and social activities great influence on study should be noted and supported by goverment

dohoangvananh 1 / -  
Jan 26, 2018   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Sports, social activities versus classes.

There have appeared endless discussions over educational contents at college. Some educators suggest that it is of great necessity for colleges to place activities outside the classroom and understanding derived from studying in equal status. Personally, I completely approve of this suggestion.

First of all, what takes my priority is study efficiency. It is widely known that taking part in social activities means that students are able to first-hand expose to numerous situations requiring academic knowledge to resolve. This brings them golden opportunities to practice and apply what they have acquired at schools to real life. Students are certain to build a robust background which is composed of both empirical experience and theories. As a result, they will make much progress in their academic performance. More notably, learners can temporarily set their study aside while joining extracurricular activities. They are likely to release stress and refresh themselves. Because of this, it is possible for them to go back to study with higher productivity. This leads to significant advancement in their study effectiveness. With no doubt, the best way for schools to enhance quality in education is to ponder activities outside the class as important as classes and libraries.

In the second place, skills development is what cannot be left out when considering the essence. It is well noted that due to following sports and social activities, students are engaged in more work in lieu of only fully concentrating on textbooks and assignments. Thus, becoming busier is inevitable for them. Only by more effectively scheduling timetable, are students capable of balancing numerous duties. To this end, their time management skill will be definitely practiced and ameliorated. More importantly, participating in extracurricular activities require learners to communicate and work with others. These new friends are different from each other in many aspects such as personality, background and age. Accordingly, learners have to learn how to communicate in harmony with them. If this occurs, then there is likelihood for learners to considerably promote communications skill. Without doubt, it is advisable for colleges to equip their students with various valuable skills.

In a word, the increase in study efficiency and improvement in personal skills of students are convincing reasons for my approval of the suggestion. It is highly recommended that educators should take my writing into great consideration to make appropriate decisions on educational contents at colleges and universities.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,892 2170  
Jan 27, 2018   #2
Do, I understand that you are most likely self studying for the IELTS test and as such, you are not getting proper instructions regarding the best ways to develop, write, and present your essay. You also are not cognizant of the time constraint when writing these essays. Summed up, you are not conscious of the fact that the essay that you turned is impossible to write in an actual test setting.

While there is no maximum word count on the essay, you need to be conscious of the time allotted for the essay task. You only have 40 minutes with which to accomplish the following in the testing center:

1. Read and understand the prompt
2. Outline your discussion
3. Develop a draft essay
4. Review the content
5. Correct the content
6. Proofread the essay
7. Correct all grammar, punctuation, and sentence development mistakes.

The mere outlining of the discussion and development of the draft essay could take as much as 20 minutes already on your part. That means you only have 20 minutes left to finish the rest of the checklist activities before turning in the essay. Due to the number of movements required in the finalization of the essay content, it is always best that you write between 250-300 words only. Bear in mind that you are not being scored on your vocabulary but rather, on our ability to properly use the English language in a manner that makes sure you are understood by the reader. Keep it simple and focus on being understood rather than trying to use "big" words like "empirical" and "ameliorated" out of context.

Now, while there is no upper word limit on the essay, there is a paragraph and sentence maximum which assures that you will not go over the top with your word presentations. Based on the 3-5 sentence limitation on the required 5 paragraphs for the Task 2 essay, you are always assured that you will be writing between 250-300 words. Manageable enough to edit in terms of the provided time limit. Stick to these limitations in order to maximize your scoring potential. You need to make yourself understood within a controlled number of sentences, without relying on run on sentences that separate different discussions using a comma. You will definitely lose points for that.

Since this is an opinion essay, you should use the first person pronoun in order to strengthen your statements. The fact that you support these reasons adds to the idea that you understand what the prompt is about and how to discuss it properly. By the way, this is not an "emotional" opinion essay so there is no need to use the term "strongly". That is better used in the "emotional" opinion presentation. In connection with this, please do not use connecting words such as "because" to start a sentence because there is no thought process to connect to it. See the previous sentence that I wrote for an example as to the proper use of the word "because" in a sentence.

Your concluding statement is incorrect. You are not supposed to insist upon your opinion at the end of this essay. Also, academic experts in the field will not be reading your essay. Therefore, your opinion is not going to reach their ears or eyes. Use the concluding paragraph for what is originally meant for. That is, the restatement of the prompt, the discussion points you presented within 3 body paragraphs, then a repeat of your opinion. That is all that is required.

There are considerable mistakes in this essay that are reflected by my above observations. As such, I will not do an in-depth, detailed review of every mistake that you made here. I don't want you to lose confidence. I want you to think positive and believe that your next essay can be better and should be better if you apply the advice you received here. I look forward to assessing your next essay.

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