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Sports & Social Activities are just as important as Classes- Equal financial support!


600score 3 / 4  
Nov 24, 2013   #1
At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support.
please help me refine my essay.

Universities and colleges play significant role in students' life. These educational institutes not only provide educational facilities like classes and libraries, but must improve students' abilities in social and sports fields. In my opinion, it is their responsibility to support financially non-educational aspects as well as educational aspects.

First, nowadays an all-rounder person has great status in society. Students must be learn their own fields sufficiently, also foster their social skills, Athletic abilities and etc. all these competences make them take up a good job and are satisfied in their lives. For example, a successful manager is a person who is able to have doing well social interactions and ability for dealing with difficulties; these are proficiency that come from his experiences in real life. In contract, a manager that just studies management and does not have any social activity fails to obtain a good situation as a career.

Second, there is a Persian idiom that says" a well mind is in a healthy body." A good sport activity plan is necessary for students. They must contribute in sport activities, compete with each other, have a happy time and become more familiar with together. It is clear that in a solid and strict atmosphere like universities and colleges, a recreation plan such as sport activities, make a good balance for students. For instance, a student who is good in track and field learns to be more resistant and agile in studying than a student just peruses educational goals and does not pay attention to his physical activities.

Finally, it can be said that every society needs person who is well brought up his genius, has different abilities to deal with problems in his career and also in his life. Universities and colleges with providing opportunities for improving young people's abilities in all fields, take an important step.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 25, 2013   #2
Universities and colleges play significant role in a students' life.

These educational institutesinstitutions should not only provide educational facilities like classes and libraries, but must improve students' abilities in social and sports fields.

These educational institutions should not only provide educational facilities like classes and libraries, but also improve students' physical development and social skills.

In my opinion, it is their responsibility to support financially non-educational aspects as well as educational aspects.

Ok... here you bring in the phrases "educational" and "non-educational", which you should have introduced in the previous line;
These educational institutions should not only provide educational facilities like classes and libraries, but also support non-educational aspects by improving students' physical development and social skills.
OP 600score 3 / 4  
Nov 25, 2013   #3
thanks so much ! In your opinion,what is my score?


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