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Sports and social activities - 'both are important for student while in colleges and in the future'


clee2908 1 / 1  
Jan 5, 2014   #1
Hi,
I just finish my TOEFL writing practice and really hope anyone could provide some feedback!
Topic:Do you agree or disagree? at universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equally financial support.

Some people suggest that universities and colleges should not spend large amount of money on sports and social activities but on providing better education. However, the reasons why students attend universities and college are not just to receive knowledge from the textbooks but also increases their social abilities from a variety of ways like sport and social activities. Thus, sports and social activities should receive equal financial support.

First, sports and social activities provide students the opportunities to practice and strengthen their interpersonal skills, which students cannot gain from the classes and libraries. In fact, interpersonal skills are crucial to students while studying in the university as well as working in the future. When students participate in the basketball varsity, for example, they will have to communicate with their coaches and teammates about how to run on the court. In addition, their teammates also become their friends off the court, which makes their friendship more connected.

Second, sports and social activities enhance student's ability to manage its time better as well as provide an chance for student to reduce stress, which are important for a student to become a better person both academically and socially. For example, when students join volunteering club or community service society, they will have to create an event such as fundraising. In order to host the fundraising successfully, students must be able to manage their time well so that they will not have clash between classes and event meeting. By planning a fundraising event students also pull themselves away from the classes and reduce the stress from studying. Additionally, gathering students with the same goal provides a chance for them to make friends with the same interest.

For the reason above, I would say that universities and colleges should definitely provide equally financial support to sports and social events as well as classes and libraries because both of them are important for student while in colleges and in the future.

Word count: 326

Thanks a lot.

OP clee2908 1 / 1  
Jan 6, 2014   #2
Thank you for your reply!
Just wondering do I have any sentences that sound not so academic or not like native speaker?
dumi 1 / 6,948 1592  
Jan 7, 2014   #3
Well, you've written a very good essay and you display excellent writing skills. Pahan's suggestion is to provide you with an overall approach with regard to the essay structure. I think your essay had followed it efficiently. :)

A few mistakes I found;

as well as provide ana chance

Second, sports and social activities enhance student's ability to manage itshis or her time better as well as provide an chance for student to reduce stress

...'it" is used for animals.


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