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Are sports stars paid too much money? - My first essay - FCE Exam

WrednaPaulina 1 / -  
Jan 3, 2021   #1
Hello everybody,
Would you read it and give me some advice? What should I change or for what should I focus on. I will be thankful.

Are Pro Athletes Overpaid?

In every country professional sport is important part of life inhabitants. They interested in sport achievements and private life of sport stars. Many funs following their profiles on social medias. However many people would say that sports stars earn too much.

First, I'd like to put the argument against that salary of the sports stars is too high. They training almost all life, since they've been a child. If they haven't a talent they didn't achieved the success of sport. Their life is focuses on everyday training and making progress on sport discipline.

On the other hand, many other professions like doctors or teachers are more responsible and less paid. They' ve been working since young age to be the best too. Most of them working every day helping unknown people.

Another argument against that sports stars earn too much is fact that the biggest share of their salary comes from products ads. They are in commercial on TV.

In my view sports stars earn much money, but they are famous because they' ve been working all life to achieve the highest results.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,088 3251  
Jan 4, 2021   #2
You must avoid using informal English, specifically contractions in your presentation. Those will still count at two words in the eyes of the examiner, resulting in an over the top excessive word count in your essay. It is okay to be a few words over the limit, it is not okay to be excessively over the limit, which is the result of the use of contractions in your presentation.

Although your grammar is not perfect, your ideas still come across clearly to the reader. However, you forgot to include the question you are responding to which has prevented me from providing you with a more intricate review of your work. I hope that you can provide the question, the complete question next time, so that I can review your response based on the proper writing considerations for an FCE essay.

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