Unanswered [18] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


The stages to produce cement including the equipment needed and the composition of the cement


ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Oct 10, 2016   #1
Writing TASK 1 practice for Cambridge 8 - Test 3

The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams present the stages to produce cement including the equipment needed and the composition of the cement for building purposes. As seen, there are four steps of cement-making process; crusher, mixer, heater, and grinder. Furthermore, cement is one of the important compositions to produce concrete.

The process of making cement is begun with crushing the basic materials; limestone and clay. After that the powder consisting of those materials are mixed in an automated machine. The third step is heating the mixed material in a rotating heater. If the heating process completes, the material is poured into another machine that will grind it into the cement. Finally, cement is packed in bags and then ready to sell.

In the construction industries, cement in certain proportion is used to produce concrete. The composition of concrete consists of 50 % small stones, 25 % sand, 15 % cement, and only 10% water. All of these ingredients are mixed together in a concrete mixer.



TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Oct 10, 2016   #2
Hi, I think you did a good job in describing the diagrams - here are some specific suggestions:

... stages [in producing] {or "required to produce"} cement

... four steps of [the] cement-making process; crusher, ... {it seems like the steps would be "crushing, mixing, heating, and grinding"}

... the important [ingredients used] to produce concrete. {this last sentence did not seem integrated into the rest. I would have stated that there are two diagrams, with the left as you have described above, and the right showing the process used to make concrete"}

The process of making cement is begun {I would use active voice - "process begins with"} with

...those materials [is] mixed in an automated machine.

... heater. [Once] the heating process [is complete], the material ... that will grind it into the cement. {I would stick with present tense here to be consistent} Finally, cement is packed in bags and then ready to sell.

In the ... concrete. {this sounds a bit odd to me - why not start out by saying "The production of concrete uses four basic ingredients in specific proportions"}


Home / Writing Feedback / The stages to produce cement including the equipment needed and the composition of the cement
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳