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Writing Feedback Posts: 5

Task 2: state-of-art-technology is changing the way we learn


Minh Thu  
Jun 29, 2018   #1

distance-learning programmes



Topic: Many people use distance-learning programmes ( study material, post,TV, the Internet, ect) to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefits of attending college or university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

My essay:

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about the study method. Some poeple thinks that the state-of-art-technology can change the way we learn. Other, however make a convincing argument that the attending college or university is the best way to learn. In my view I strongly agree with the former for the following reasons.

First it is obvious that, student can save a lot of money when they joining online course. The fees of online course are cheaper than tuition fees which students have to pay for joining a college or university, moreover they do not have to pay for textbook fees and administration fees. So, it is a best way for people who keen on learning without have enough money.

In addition, distance learning can help students obtain the huge education resource. For example, many prestigious universities like Princeton, Harvard, Chicago have published many famous course in the Intenet. This is a convinient way for people who live in a remote area or developing countries where the education is quite low.

That is not to say that traditional education should be neglected. Teacher in the universities not only can improve the knowledge and skill for student, but also motivate and interact with students. But unfortunately it has drawbacks due to lack of communicate between student and teacher after class.

To sum up, distance-learning programmes can bring more benefits to the students .Meanwhile, we should not ignore the important of traditional education. Only by doing so we can create the best way of education in the future.
feliciatu  
Jun 29, 2018   #2
Good essay!

I found few grammar mistakes. ex.
I might write ---> '' The fee from the online courses sometimes are cheaper than the tuition fees from a college's degree program. ''
rubychautran 7  
Jun 30, 2018   #3
Hi, I think this is a good essay! However I noticed a logical problem here, just gonna point it out. So the question asks if you agree or disagree with the statement that distance learning can NOT be as beneficial as attending university, but in your introduction your answer is that you agree that distance learning CAN be beneficial. You should say that you DISAGREE with the original statement instead. I don't know if it's a big problem but that's just my opinion.
Holt [Contributor] 1530  
Jun 30, 2018   #4
Minh, all of your paragraphs do not fully explain the reasoning behind your topic sentences. You need to be able to better explain yourself in order to help the reader better understand what you are trying to say. For example, in the third paragraph, you speak of how the Ivy league universities have online courses published. Rather than speaking of the publication, you should have spoken of how they have correspondence courses online instead. This would tie in with your last sentence about allowing people in remote areas where the education level is low to complete their education.

Being a single opinion essay, you must refrain from making mention of the other side of the discussion that runs counter to your opinion. There is no need to confuse the reader by introducing a non-related topic that you will not be able to fully explain nor connect with your opinion.

Now, your thesis statement became confusing because you are speaking of the "former" topic in the essay when there was only one topic and opinion presented. In this instance, you should have simple said that you strongly disagree with the statement provided.
OP Minh Thu  
Jul 11, 2018   #5
@Holt
thank you so much for your help. Your review has been invaluable to me during this time. I hope you will help me in my next essay


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