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MY PERSONAL STATEMENT (workshop human right and drug policy)


kendalj 1 / -  
Jul 28, 2017   #1
help me to check my personal statement

I would like to elaborate myself as a very determind learner. I have successfully completed my national examination and practical with a scoring 85% and 80% respectively. Academic skills have been a crucial consideration to me and I have a good understanding of them. As a result I have a special interest in reading. I love read many kinds of books or articles. There are lots of topic to read not only schoolbook but also news, literature and many others. In contrast, the quality that I like the most about myself is not only my passion in education but also in social charity. It is started when I was junior high school and continues until now. I joined a huge variety of organization such as KSPAN (group of students who is anti-drugs), TAC (take action community), part of biology club and member of child's ambassador 2016. At present, in university organization I actively socialize that everyone has the same authority in the wolrd. Based on some organization that I joined i also love to share my knowledge to my family, friends and society about healthy life and the dangers of drugs from what I learnt.

Since I read article about human right and policy woskshop in the internet. I really excited to become member of this workshop. Because I can learn more and expend my knowledge about crucial issues especially human right, drug, sexuality and public health. As a student I really take seriously its role in assisting individuals who regard themselves as having an issue related to human rights, use of drug and being health. In addition, government in my country is commited to against drugs and to providing a healthy environment conducive to the society. However, there are still lots of incident about this problem yet. Furthermore, drug and sexuality ensnare all people who falls including children, adult and women indiscriminately and many adolescent abuse drug and become victims nowadays.

As a teenager this workshop is relevant and a good opportunity for me because I can engage my friends and exemplify my social environment to become a helpful young generation. I have strong belief that I could provide myself to be more active to suggest among teenagers by many ways. One of the effectively method is by social media. Many people especially adolescent these days spend almost a whole day in the internet. Social media is one of the biggest users with more than thousand people active in it. By this workshop I would like to invite teenager to learn and share more about human right and drug policy in a good way and I also will expose what I get in this workshop by social media.

I greatly wished that I will have this great opportunity and privileged to become one of the fortunate member to be chosen. I believe that I could benefit from this workshop and contribute to my country with the knowledge and experience that I gained. I hope that I will have the chances to expose and to get first-hand experience of this workshop.

your help is meaningful to me, Thanks.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Jul 28, 2017   #2
Ayutaa, this personal statement is not effective in showing the reasons why you would make a successful participant in this workshop on human rights and drug policies. When you write a personal statement, the focus of your essay must be on showing that you have a relevant background in relation to your chosen course, or in this case, workshop. It doesn't matter that you are a determined learner. Since this is a workshop, the main consideration will be on your relevant skills and training. Therefore, you need to build up your work in the anti-drug organization that you are a member of. Let me see if I can outline this better for you to follow:

1st Par - How your interest in the anti-drug and human rights cause developed.
2nd Par - Present your participation in KSPAN. Discuss what projects you successfully helped to launch or projects that you led personally which have a direct relation to the topics covered by the workshop.

3rd Par - Your work with TAC and how it relates to your interest in the anti drugs drive. Why do you think you can develop your skills in relation to the promotion of this cause further by attending the workshop?

4th Par - Explain why you feel that these activities make you the ideal candidate for this workshop.
5th Par - Conclude by repeating your desire to become a part of the workshop and that you are looking forward to participating in it.

Following the above outline, you will create a more relevant and informative personal statement that will showcase the reasons why you should be given a slot as a participant in the workshop. Your current essay doesn't really play up the major considerations that are expected of the applicants for the workshop so you need to do some major revisions on it.


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