Crystalized in the column chart
Good work on advanced English word usage. This is definitely an impressive college level English word that will catch the eye of the examiner, causing an increased consideration in your LR score. It shows that you are addressing a professional audience whose knowledge of English is at par with that advanced academic degree holders.
Theses
There is no such word in the English language. These is the the plural form of the singular reference "this". Ooops. While you will receive increased marks in the LR score, you will also receive a minimal deduction for this word usage error.
Basically, you show a very good analysis of the image presentation. The problem, is mainly in the way you form the sentences in the paragraphs. The way you have the sentences presented are too busy. You try to compress too much information in a single sentence presentation, causing a confusing and difficult to follow analysis. As a general rule, you can use only one thought / idea in every sentence presentation. The essay is too long because of the over analysis. This means, you may not have enough time to complete a simple analysis, are required, within the 20 minute time allottment.
Always remember, run-on sentences force grammar errors and, when faced with only 20 minutes, an overview analysis and comparison will work best. It is best to analyze the obvious, but not too deeply since this is not a class report and analysis paper. It is only a test to prove that you are capable of producing simple analysis papers. Keep it at at least 175 words, but no more than 200.