Staying well-informed in this time and age is simple, but which information is true and which is not

Hello~ May I request a proofread or honest comments for my essay? It's a toefl essay.

Subject: In order to stay well-informed, people should get information from various news sources.

The Internet has evolved to a state where no one can fully control just like a powerful fountain sprouting information everywhere, not to mention that journalism have gotten much easier and more abundant compared to the past. Nevertheless, if one wishes to stay well-informed, they shouldn't simply accumulate news from various sources for the reason that the information is fabricated or the majority of biased information will influence them negatively.

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Kim, your essay needs to paint a clear idea of your personal opinion at the start of the essay, the introductory part, rather than at the very end of the written piece. You have also limited the scope of information in your essay to only the internet when, historically, there are other more trustworthy sources of news and information such as published newspapers, library books and magazines, etc., all of which are considered to be valid and truthful news sources. The essay asks for your opinion as to whether people should get their information from various sources in order to stay informed. It is not asking for your opinion as to whether that opinion needs to be trustworthy or not so you should not be referring to such things in the essay. Instead, you should merely be offering your personal opinion as to whether using various news sources will help people stay well informed. The simple answer to that question is yes.

Do not offer an opinion as to whether certain news sources are reliable or not. That is not the issue here. Instead, you should be referring to how people must read as many news sources as possible in order to make an informed decision about various topics. Therefore, staying well-informed through various sources is vital for people who wish to make informed decisions. It is not your place to decide what people should be reading, just that they read about topics of interest to them.

Out of a score of 10, I would give this essay a score of 4 because of the way that it deviated from the prompt, made unsubstantiated assumptions about various news sources on a collective basis, and offered opinions regarding matters that are not being asked nor required by the prompt.

I understand. I re-read the topic once again and I agree with you. I have deviated from the topic. I focused on the Internet as the only source while the topic itself never suggested it. I'll re-write this essay, can I count on you one more time? Thank you!

It seems you have written more than necessary words while you write more words perhaps you will write more wrong sentences

Thank you for your comment Mr. Ali. but would you mind pointing out which part of my writing is redundant? Since it is a concluding sentence, I tried to keep it as simple as possible. Please tell me which part of it was unnecessary.

To the author Vangiespen;
Hello, once again thank you for your review. I rewrote my essay according to your opinion. Would you please take the time to give it a look. Of course, I would much appreciate if the others do as well! Thank you!

In order to stay well-informed, people should get information from various news sources.

Mankind has evolved to the point where gathering information is as easy as taking a candy from a baby. With overabundant information, opinions, ideas, and perspectives overflowing form books, magazines, thesis, Internet, and TV media, people should get information from these various sources in order to stay well-informed since these sources provide countless perspectives and evidence that verifies it.

Information tends to morph according to how people view it. A hermit who has never gone out for a decade praise a smart phone as the greatest invention while an affluent businessmen with the latest technology simply scoff at it. Different perspectives create different information which is why seeking news or information from various sources is the key to stay well informed. Otherwise, one would transform into an incredibly biased person by gathering information from a single source. For example, scientists who have developed a new energy source might write a thesis commending its unbelievable usages and potential while a few months later, a park ranger write an article stating how that energy is harmful for the wildlife and must be immediately prohibited. Through these perspectives from various sources, one would be well-informed, able to talk to different people without any dissent or misunderstandings.

Not only will information from various sources provide more colorful information, but also provides evidence that the information is true. By relying on many sources and comparing them, it will be much easier to realize a fraud if one happens to come across one. Not only will these sources verify information but also grants more access to specific information about any subjects. Encyclopedias, journals, documents, and reports are all excellent sources to verify and specify any news reports from the media. With these sources and connection, one can learn far more than those who rely on a single source since they will have a difficult time verifying their information without comparing it with another. Through comparing and relying on various sources, people can stay well-informed with specific details and alerted to false information.

To summarize, people can stay well-informed from various sources because it can provide distinctive perspectives and authentic information.

While I did catch a number of grammatical errors in your paper, I am happy to say that you have managed to improve the content of the essay to the point where the revisions can concentrate on the grammatical and sentence structure problems of the essay already. You have provided an excellent voice and used strong examples to drive home the point that people need to stay well informed using various news sources. Now, let me point out the portions that require editing:


- This section requires proofreading on your part. Note the capitalization issues as well. Please note the corrections below:
- ... perspectives overflowing from books, magazines, the internet , and television...


- ... who has not been out for a decade will praise a smart phone... with the latest technology will simply scoff...


- ... is the key to staying well informed.


- a park ranger may write an article...


- Add a sentence that refers to the importance of making informed decisions using various news information as sources for the decision making process.


- ... to recognize a fraud...


- This is an unnecessary sentence.

The above revisions will help fix the structural problem of your sentences and clarify certain points that may be unclear due to your grammar mistakes.