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Stepping to IELTS Writing: Conclusion, Body, and Example


Yusuf05 11 / 14 2  
Aug 29, 2016   #1
Hello IELTS writers and conquerors!
The following is my essay practice divided into three separated sections: Conclusion, Body, and Example.
I really welcome some feedbacks, comments, and any kinds of suggestion (partial or full are appreciated).

For Conclusion part


Exercise 2
Question 1
As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances.

Answer:
As afore discussed reasons, despite the fact inter-continent commerce hold important position in escalating the GDPs, the downsides of the strategy is likely higher than its merits. As such, it should be driven that a nation pay more concern to reinforce the production of local products to exploit fully its resources.

Question 2
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

Answer:
In conclusion, to say that the viewpoints of accepting children's labour as their pathway for practical grounding could be worth value. However, I firmly believe that a child timeline is a precious moment to develop positive characters for their brighter future. Therefore, it is not considered to be wise to engage children to work in their early age.

Question 3
Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer
In brief, voluntary work is crucial to expand the social awareness of young learners as to form their emotional intelligence. My stance is clearly to support such notion and to prop up the integration of that learning scheme.

This one is for Body
Exercise 3

Write down two paragraphs (one idea and multiple idea paragraph) opposing the following essay question:
There have been major advances in technology over recent decades and this has led to significant improvements in people's lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


One idea paragraph
....
However, the idea of technology bringing many considerable advantages is not the most valued by some people. Since technology employed excessively in almost every field of humans' live, then it is true to say that people at these days relied much on its harness. Mankind depends so badly with automation and make a process of achieving particular affair become effortless. It will be easy to describe by looking at educational milleu on how learners fall into the trap of using media learning. Making a compound sentence or translating a complex passage, for instance, can be done by a single click through an online translator, bringing the sense of analysing contexts less appreciated even among advanced language learners. As a result, the degree of human foreign language acquaintances are more likely stored on devices rather than instilled as individual's skills or capabilities instead. Therefore, it true to say that the instant process offered by technology at this current digital era eventually leads most individuals become too reliant on technology.

Multiple idea paragraph
....
However, for some people technology may be regarded to whip more disadvantages in the way people thrive. The underpinning of technology in our daily routine encourage individuals to be less socialising. Children who addictive with online games usually spends hours their time at home and become a solitary person. In addition, the constant passive life cycle also provides risk on one's health. As a consequence, people keep staying on their zone resulted on their minimum time for sports and sort of rehearsals which at the end lead them to particularly susceptible disease. Also, by looking up the trend of online trading, nowadays people tend to buy and make their transaction via online and this is, without no doubt, cutting the number of workers require on job field as well as bring them to gain less chance for job vacancy.

The last part for example
There have been major advances in technology over recent decades and this has led to significant improvements in people's lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Points for

The spread of the internet is a positive development because everyone has easy access to an abundance of information. A good example of this is the flows of scholarship information through websites, blogs, and social media. Online forums provide readily available to people to receive quickly numerous updates and even the scholarships' deadline reminder. Some websites associated their features with one fast track, allowing their subscribers to get every important message from email and ensuring them to follow the scheme. All in all, the broad array of information which spread to user at these days, making people easier to gain details and relevant updates.

Against for
However, there are also drawbacks because of the easy access to dangerous sites. For instance, in social media such as Facebook or Twitter, users are free to share any kinds of information, including posting a link that associated with pornography website on their wall. Through a "share" feature, pictures and videos contained with adult content are readable to millions of connected users across the globe, not to mention, those are under 18 years old. This is without no doubt can potentially harm the growth characters and attitude of the young generation. As aforementioned points, then it is true to say that open virtual access also provides threat to its users.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 29, 2016   #2
Hi Yusuf,

Instead of seeing/checking the content, I would like to focus on giving feedback related to technical details in "the last part for example" part in your thread. I hope you can follow through and gain some insights.

Points for
- The spread of the Internet is a positive development...
- A good example of this is the flowsflow of scholarship information...
- Online forums provide readily availablethe availability of informationtothat keep people to receive quickly numerousrapid updates and evenincluding the scholarships' deadline reminder.

- ... information which spread to usersat these days, makingmake people easier to gain details and relevant updates easier.

Against for:Points against:
- ... also drawbacks because of the easy access to dangerous sites. (just want to remind you that article "the" is used when you've already mentioned it in the preceding paragraph or it is "the only one".)

- For instance, in social media such as Facebook or Twitter,userspeople canare free to share any kinds of information freely on Facebook or Twitter, including posting a link that associated with pornography website on their wallinappropriate post related to pornography or another disturbing content on their Facebook news feed or Twitter timeline.

As you can see Yusuf, some parts still need some revisions and modifications to reach a well-written essay, especially when it comes to structural issues. However, you don't need to hesitate to seek an answer for your curiosity. I am really excited if I am able to help. Good luck for the next practice :)


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