Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

'Do not stop questioning' - essay regarding my 3 core traits


Timcago 8 / 4  
Feb 21, 2007   #1
This is an essay i wrote regarding my 3 core traits for English 1a. Can someone edit it(by that i mean check for missing or incorrect commas, bad structure, etc) for me please? Did i do the cicero quote right? I don't know if that ~ is necessary or not.

"Everyone has the obligation to ponder well his own specific traits of character. He must also regulate them adequately and not wonder whether someone else's traits might suit him better. The more definitely his own a man's character is, the better it fits him." ~Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC). Pondering the core traits of my character, or personality, allows me to reflect myself accurately, through my writings. Three traits cannot fully define me, but they will reveal much about me. The shyness within me has prevented me from making friends easily, which over time has caused me to be comfortable alone. My inquisitive nature allows me to think about things from a different, and sometimes deeper prospective than most people. Patience has enabled me to endure challenging times and be successful. Shyness, inquisitiveness, and patience combined, form the three core traits of my personality.

Shyness is defined as a feeling of insecurity or awkwardness that certain people experience while being among others. This trait for me has dwindled over time, but has had a permanent effect on who I am. The trait itself was nurtured not natured, because I did not begin life as a shy person. I was very secure and social until I realized that I had a speech problem. My in-ability to pronounce words with the letter "R" correctly became an issue when one of my closest friends, Matt, was celebrating his 10th birthday. I remember walking into his house where all the rest of our friends from school were talking. I saw his little sister playing with toys in the living room and I decided to make a joke about Barney. One of guys I did not know very well said "yah, if only it was called bahny, you talk funny" he chuckled. That was the first time anyone ever told me that I "talked funny." It shocked me and it shocked some of my friends in the room as well, because in all the years they had known me, they never realized that I had a speech impediment, which seemed unlikely considering it was so prevalent. From that point on, they never fully listened to what I said, because they were focused on how funny it was when I said things incorrectly.

My peers in middle school would constantly ask me to repeat a word that I said wrong. Over time, this made me a very insecure person and I tried my best to either avoid saying a word that forced me to pronounce the letter R or just not speak at all. My parents hired a speech teacher who told me that I got it from my mom who was from the east coast and it could be fixed with practice. Eventually the speech problem was fixed, but the shyness remained. I moved from Chicago to Texas and made friends with the kids in my neighborhood. I felt comfortable around them, but once I was exposed to their friends, I felt awkward, and could not think of what to say in a group conversation, so I usually said nothing. I used to wonder whether someone else's personality traits might suit me better and I would try to mimic them. However, just as Cicero stated, it was not until I really thought about who I am deep down, that I was able to communicate effectively with people.

Albert Einstein once said in a famous quote, "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality." The inquisitive attribute of my personality has given me a wealth of knowledge that I would have never gained without questioning and searching for answers. Most children constantly ask questions, but not many continue to ask endless questions throughout their life and search for the answers to them. My inquisitive trait found fulfillment when I discovered online debate forums. I sometimes spend several hours a week debating everything including religion, philosophy, current events, history, science, technology, politics, and even the hypothetical.

One of the most enthralling debates I have been involved with was the famous question "Can God create an object so heavy that he cannot lift it?" An atheist who uses this question like a bible posted a thread on it in an attempt to prove that the Christian God cannot exist. Being inquisitive, I took up the challenge.. The first thing I questioned was the use of his dictionary definition of omnipotence. Since it was a debate about the Christian God, the only acceptable definition had to come from the bible. Using the internet as a tool, I found several verses and discovered that the bible defined Gods omnipotence by the power to do all things that are logically possible as long as they do not contradict his nature. God's nature is perfect and logical meaning that he cannot fail/err, sin, or do something illogical or impossible. I concluded by saying that God can remain omnipotent according the biblical definition, since creating a rock you cannot lift is logically impossible. He responded by saying that it is logically possible, because he can do it. He said, "Give me some rocks and some super glue and about 2 hours." I responded back by saying that our nature and Gods nature are different. We as humans have the ability to fail and God does not. An omnipotent being cannot fail. He followed up with the logical argument that if non-failure is a part of The Christian Gods nature, than if it is possible for the Christian God to Fail, its existence is impossible. The Christian God is forced to fail when its success at something is defined by its failure at something else. Therefore, the Christian God, bound to the attribute of non-failure, cannot exist, because it is forced to fail during the scenario in which Gods success at creating an object it cannot lift is defined by its failure at being able to lift the object. I won the debate by posting that you cannot fail at the impossible. I can't fail at becoming a frog, because it is not possible for me to do so. No amount of power will allow this. It is not a failure, because success and failure are not attributes of the impossible. In order for something to be a success or failure, it must at least be possible. Moreover, what is possible or impossible for us and God, are not the same. It's comparing apples and oranges. It is like saying, "Tim fails at creating the universe". No, I don't, and I don't succeed either. I cannot fail or succeed, because it is not possible for me -- it is not within my nature. Since one cannot fail to do what is impossible, God cannot fail or succeed at creating an object that it cannot lift, because it is impossible for him, according to his nature.

Bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance with calmness is a trait I have always had. My patience was tested during Christmas break last year. I wanted to get a Nintendo Wii, so that I would have something to do with my older brother Joe when he came out for the holidays. The problem was that I was not the only one wanting this new game system. It was the most in demand product of the season, and the only way to obtain one was to wait in a line in front of a store over night. I thought this task would be easy, since I had the handheld version of the system, the Nintendo DS, to keep my entertained. I started camping out at midnight the day of the launch where several people were already waiting in line. Every hour after that at least four more people showed up. The first few hours went by quickly, but once the batteries died on my handheld system I had nothing to do. I was wearing a T-shirt and jeans, because I was used to the desert being warm, but that night happened to be very cold. I did not have a chair to sit on either, so I had to stand for eight straight hours in the freezing cold. I felt like a penguin! The risk of waiting was due to the possibility that the shipment of Wii's did not arrive, or they only received a small amount meaning that only the people in front of me would receive one. The closer it got until store opening, or eight o' clock, the slower time went. Finally, at nine o' clock, the employees came outside and handed out tickets to the first 20 people in line. Being the sixth person in line, I got a ticket and felt relief. The last hour, however, was the most difficult to endure, but when Target opened their doors I waddled to electronics to purchase the Wii, because I was too numb to walk correctly. My patience that night really paid off, because my brother and I enjoyed playing the game system over the long holiday break.

These three core traits will most likely stay with me for the rest of my life. I will never be as shy as I once was, but I will always be a little reserved. Asking questions is a hobby for me and I will continue to seek the truth in life. My inquisitive trait has also caused me to love college and have a passion for learning. Patience does not only help me wait in lines, but it also allows me to have long lasting friendships. Everyone has bad days, and if you can restrain your anger on those days, you will not hurt people who are close to you. If you can endure their bad days by avoiding engaging in arguments they will appreciate you more on the good days.

EF_Team2 1 / 1,709  
Feb 22, 2007   #2
Greetings!

Normally, when quoting, you would cite parenthetically, using APA or MLA or some other citation form. It could take a bit of work to find sources for the Cicero and Einstein quotes, and your instructor might not require citation in this type of essay, but it's best to be sure. I'm not aware of the tilde (~) being used in that manner.

"sometimes deeper perspective than most people"

"nurtured not natured" - although this is a sort of clever play on words, you should be aware that "natured" is an adjective, rather than a verb, as you used it here.

"in-ability" - should be "inability"

said "yah, if only it was called bahny, you talk funny" he chuckled. - the quoted part is run-on; there should be a period after 'Bahny' -- which should also be capitalized and put in quotes. Leave off "he chuckled" since you already used "said."

"God's omnipotence" and "God's nature" require an apostrophe to form the possessive.

I made several corrections in this sentence, noted in bold: "He followed up with the logical argument that if non-failure is a part of the Christian God's nature, then if it is possible for the Christian God to fail, its existence is impossible."

"the most in-demand product" ... "overnight"

You've written a good essay! The only other suggestion I would make is to add a last sentence which has more of a summing-up feeling of finality.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
OP Timcago 8 / 4  
Feb 23, 2007   #3
Wow! I am surprised that I only made a few mistakes. I agree that my conclusion needs work. I will continue to develop it more.

Thank you for your help.


Home / Writing Feedback / 'Do not stop questioning' - essay regarding my 3 core traits