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TOEFL ESSAY - Short stories are preferred more than movies,explain your position.


sandipsinh 37 / 90 3  
Mar 12, 2014   #1
Short stories are more enjoyable than watching movies. Use specific reasons and examples to explain
There are myriad options available currently to entertain ourselves but watching movies are most popular option among all. Similarly many short stories are also available to read for amusement. Nevertheless of these available options their expectance by populace varies, short stories are more popular among growing kids, so movies are enjoyed by all age beings. In many way both have their distinct importance.

Theater and movies have evolved phenomenally in recent years therefore it has gained enormous publicity. Movies are liked by people for several reasons for instance a script's dialogues and characters are played by mortal actor or actresses. It is apparently realistic colorful and bright. People adopt many fashion and trend shown in these movies, to quote an instance - Bell -bottom pants become most preferred by people in 80's as many actresses in 80's were seen cladding themselves in pair of that style pants. Movies are more thrilling with incredible special and visual effects, action, and drama that makes them more captivating. Adding to it, currently available technology has modernized movie industry as a result of it many categories of movies like animated movies and si- fi movies are also produced and seen by infinite numbers of people globally.

On the other hand, story books are indeed a very good source of awareness and entertainment but it has secure its audience till school going kids. On its merit side, it is used most for informing children about basic social information for instance - A team of fire - brigade with their truck has been called to one of the kindergarten in our vicinity for presenting demo on fire extinguishing in order to informing kids about it. Although it has been used widely by leaners but it is considered boring by grown-ups. Besides reading books are generally avoided by working and elderly people - my mother -in-law sleeps many time while reciting bed time stories to my kid. It require attention and concentration to grasp the content of it, on the other hand it is easy to connect with ongoing movies. It can be seen anywhere in theaters as well as home with some crispy snacks.

Reading stories were good mean of amusement in primitive days. However it has still kept it presence alive in specific age group. Also it is undeniable that currently movies are ruling everybody's hearts in all the ways.
jon_snow 8 / 28 5  
Mar 12, 2014   #2
you did not describe your position in your intro. Moreover your prompt is defective. Toefl will never impose a side on you and force you to describe about it. It will give you at least 2 potions and you have to choose one. In your essay you have to support your opinion with supporting details and examples. Most probably you prompt was "Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Reading fiction (such as novels and short stories) is more enjoyable than watching movies. Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position. " This kind of question you will encounter in toefl. So, as you can see, you have to choose a side and support why have you chosen that side. So it is redundant to write about both side.

General guideline: Write an intro which describes your position clearly. Then give a reason at the beginning of your body para. In your body para, support that particular reason with supporting example or detail. restate you position in your conclusion.

wish you all the best :)
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Mar 12, 2014   #3
you did not describe your position in your intro.

Yes, I think it is always good to state your position in your intro. It helps you to take the reader in the direction that you desire. In this case I feel you wish to take a moderate stance and I think that's quite fine. But make a clear statement that it is the position you hold;

In many way both have their distinct importance.

.... instead you can say;
In my view, I believe both of them have their distinct importance.
niesaysi 16 / 284 83  
Mar 12, 2014   #4
but watching movies are the most popular option among all
In many ways
Theater and movies have evolved phenomenally in recent years, therefore it has gained...
Movies are liked by people for several reasons, for instance, a script's dialogues and characters are played by mortal actor or actresses.
It is apparently realistic, colorful, and bright.
but it has secured its audience till school going kids
On its merit side, it is used most fort o informing children about basic social information
It requires attention...
Reading stories wereare good means of amusement in primitive days.

:)
OP sandipsinh 37 / 90 3  
Mar 12, 2014   #5
niesaysi
Reading stories were( are )good means of amusement in primitive days.

hey how can are can be used here as i am referring to past - primitive days.
i mentioned stories ( that are were used in past) therefore used story book were used for amusement in primitive days.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 12, 2014   #6
Theater and movies have evolved phenomenally in recent years therefore it has gained enormous publicity.

evolved as what ? Better you specified that ?

Theater and movies have evolved phenomenally in recent years...

In this para, you talk about why people love to see movies. However, you do not do any comparison with short stories to that how people feel about them . I think your prompt is focused more on that aspect and you need to discuss that in this para. Always keep your writing with your prompt.
niesaysi 16 / 284 83  
Mar 13, 2014   #7
Reading stories were( are )good means of amusement in primitive days
Great emphasis! :) Please undo it. I'm sure I just overlooked it. "Primitive days" is a time signal used to express past occurrence. I thought it is a generalized statement ( your opinion to conclude your essay ) so, I changed it to "are". .

Other than that, I scrupulously edited your essay as to mechanics. Presented above are some of the grammatical mistakes you have committed. Hope it's not confusing at all :) LOL


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