Unanswered [0] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
 DrAfT!
Home / Writing Feedback 3

It's a short story about a aunt and his nephew.


early visit



It's Sunday, I got up so early, because I'll go to see my nephew.
I've had breakfast before seven o'clock.Then I went to train station on foot.
It's only one kilometre form the home to the train station, so I arrived just spent about two minutes.
It's only takes two hours by train form my city to my nephew's city, and the view along the road are beautiful, so I don't felt boring at all.

After two hours, I went out of the train station and went to my nephew's home.
I called him on the way, after a few seconds, he answered.
I said "I've just arrived by train, I'm coming to see you!"
"But I'm still having breakfast." he said.
"What are you doing?" I said loudly and surprisingly.
"I'm still having breakfast." he repeated.
"Dear me!" I said. "Do you always get up so late? It's one o'clock!"

May 14, 2017   #2
Sam, this sounds like the middle of a short story instead of being the short story itself. Consider that a short story can be completed in one page, using one scene, multiple dialogues, and descriptive sentences. This narration falls short on all counts. The first thing that you have to do is create the purpose for the story. Why does the aunt need to visit her nephew? What is the purpose of the actions to be shown in the story? Where is the aunt coming from? Describe your opening scene first. Anything about 3-5 sentences long will suffice. That means you have to describe the setting or location of the aunt first. Then include dialogue that will help the story along. What was her thought process? Add some action to the thought process to make it more interesting. When she gets to the train station, do the same thing. The story is boring and pointless because it does not engage the imagination of the reader. Most importantly, the ending doesn't make any sense at all. So, before you revise the story, try to outline the process of the story telling first. Make sure to create a relevant and engaging ending for the reader to close the story by. It will be in the best interest of your story if you write a totally new one. One that is better outlined and developed in all aspects of story telling. By the way, make sure to write 250 words for the story. One full page of story is short enough. Remember, you need a purpose, a middle, and and end to the narration in order to qualify as a complete story.
@Holt
Thanks for your help and your advice,I knew about that, but I'm a beginner,I wrote this story mainly for practce my new words and new grammar. I can't write more colorful,interesting now, but I'll do my best to learn more.

Thanks again!


Home / Writing Feedback / It's a short story about a aunt and his nephew.