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Personal Story - The Child Hood


hyori14 1 / -  
Feb 23, 2010   #1
Theres a kid who is around 13~14 age is in high school was being teased and bullied by people in the school. And began cutting class, absend school, dont like going to school anymore. And isolating himself to his room playing video gamess everyday and every night. He always waiting either outside of the park or cutting class at 11:00am to get this parent to go work so he can play online video games. Day after day he keep doing the same thing over and over and is very addicted to online gaming now. Every night hes waiting for his parent to go to sleep and wake up and go to computer room and playing the video games, Yet everyday doing the same things. His grade is getting very terrible, its like huge turn off. A complety different person now compare to his middle school.

His high school is like 76% of black people. Crazy isnt it??? When he walks at the street after school by himself. The black people come up to him and ask him for the money and punch his face.There once a 6 of black people comes up and beat him down to the floor. He was very scared and nervous.when he comes to home. From now on, he hates going to school anymore. so everyday he just walking around outside with his school bad dono wat his doing. And police came to him and put him in a detention school. Thats like his 10x time get caught by police. His life is getting sucks and sucks.

When its night time after his parent go to sleep. He woke up at around 2~3am and slowly walk to his computer room and turn on to play his online video games. And finally his mom caught him, and critize him for doing that. Yet he still doing the same things everyday and every night. Police caught him at day for not going to school. His mom caught him at nite for not going to sleep. He becomes quiet person, dont like to going out, hate the way he dress, dont eat alot, always calling for delivery food. afraid to go out and see friends...and now hes 16.

Back in days he used to be a very outgoing person, talkative, funny, nice, easy to go along with, and has alot of friends when he was at middle school. Hanging with friends. chillin with them, food with them, dancing, singing, always hanging out with his friend untill nite. and go to train station waiting for his mom to get off from work. and went home with his mom at 11pm at night.

Randyhl 8 / 33  
Feb 23, 2010   #2
Try not to start sentences with the word "and."

And began cutting class, absend school, dont like going to school anymore. And isolating himself to his room playing video gamess everyday and every night. He always waiting either outside of the park or cutting class at 11:00am to get this parent to go work so he can play online video games.

Day after day he keep s doing the same thing over and over and is very addicted to online gaming now.

Honestly, your errors are distracting, sorry buddy.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Feb 24, 2010   #3
Theres a kid who is around 14 years of age, attending high school and being teased and bullied by people in the school. He began cutting class and being absent from school, and he said, "I don't like going to school anymore." He was isolating himself in his room and playing video games every day and every night.

He is a completely different person now, compared to the person he was in middle school.

His high school is like 76% of black people. Crazy isnt it??? When he walks at the street after school by himself. The black people come up to him and ask him for the money and punch his face. ------ this makes it sound like you are prejudiced against black people. That does not make a good impression. You can say people punched your face, or you can say you were the only Asian person, but don't describe black people as though they alway punch people in the face! :-)

keep practicing! :-)
cathyliu 19 / 54  
Feb 25, 2010   #4
Hanging with friends. chillin with them, food with them, dancing, singing, always hanging out with his friend untill nite. and go to train station waiting for his mom to get off from work. and went home with his mom at 11pm at night.

Remember the first letter of each sentence should be in capital


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