Stress is a serious problem
Titile: Although most people are richer than in the past, modern life seems very stressful, and the number of people suffering from stress is at record levels. What are the main causes of stress in modern life, and how could stress be reduced?
Nowadays, most people are even more affluent compared to the past, nonetheless, stress has become a ubiquitous phenomenon in society and everyone suffers from it. Admittedly, there comes a great number of problems that stress people out at an alarming level. This leads us to question of the causes and solution to that worrisome stress, which has detrimental influence on both mental and physical health. This essay will further discuss about the main reasons of the problem, and propose some viable solutions.
To begin with, the biggest reason of that obstacle is the increasing desire. In this fast- paced world, most persons tend to think of achieving more goals to be wealthy or enter the elite society. Then, they unconsciously put a burden on their mind, and this overwhelming pressure causes an intense strain. For example, according to various studies, our ancestors hunting for food only and their lifespans have been usually longer and without any types of diseases, in stark contrast to the extreme stress of modern people· To ameliorate the aforementioned issue, first of all, people should hold the reins and just focus on necesssary and approachable things. Controlling cravings with things within reach can really release a plethora of tension.
Additionally, another cause could be the busy daily routine. Being snowed under paperwork, there is obviously little free time to take care of ourselves. Moreover, daily fatigue unintentional causes sedentary lifestyle, which creates a physical and emotional burden. The way forward could be allocate our precious time for extra-curricular activities. By this way, it mitigate the atrocious effect of stress on our brain. For instance, a study conducted in the UK, showed that people tend to be healthier by exercising and meditating each day than people who are not doing any kinds of exercises.
In conclusion, stress levels have increased in the light of the fact that we are stucking in a repetitive rat race without destination. There are some reasons which make it become an unfortunate serious dilemma, and some proposed measures, though not long-term, help us get out of that rat race and live a more fulfilling life.
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The first sentence of the just paragraph is a run-on.The first topic, affluence, should be seperated from the second thought, stress as an overwhelming part of life these days.These are 2 different topics that do not directly relate to one another, yet. The effects and relationship of the 2 should have been directly created in the response sentences to the direct questions. Justead, there is a useless restatement of writing instructions that do not add to the TA score. The student provided a partially inaccurate introduction due to the missing direct opinion response.
The first reasoning paragraph was more than enough to justify the cause of stress, had it been more clearly discussed using appropriate vocabulary. The second paragraph could have been more setting targeted if, rather than presenting another little developed cause topic, a solution regarding stress reduction was discussed as required by the discussion format. It was the actual topic for that paragraph that was not thoroughly explained.
The writer must learn to with about 2 related topics per paragraph when asked to do so, as in this essay.There is a problem when it comes to developing a cohesive discussion paragraph.
Hi, I think your writing is great.
The vocabularies are academic and also are the structures. The clarity through this essay is alright. However, I think you should emerge the two reasoning paragraphs into because they are logically similar. And then, write another paragraph about how stress can be lowered right below. I think these changes will make this way better and improve your band.
Keep on writing and improving yourself. Good luck