Hello, this is my first piece of writing task 2. I start to practice writing IELTS recently. Please give me any advice after you read it. Any feedback is truly appreciated. Thank you very much.
Topic:
More and more people claim that modern work patterns are a source of stress.
What do you think are the causes of this? Can you suggest some possible solutions?
Modern society has brought us numerous benefits in our daily lives. However, it is undeniable that many bad consequences which are still hot at the moment are also the results of modernity. In working aspect, there is a rise in complaints that modern work patterns are a source of stress. So what are the causes of this phenomenon? And are there any solutions for stress in workplace?
There are many reasons for this claim. First of all, both the amount of workload and working time is rapidly increasing. More and more people work overnight. More and more people feel that the time spent at the office is not enough to finish their work, and as a result, they continue working at home, which makes spending time for leisure time more impossible. Furthermore, many factories, companies nowadays tend to apply the latest technology, resulted in the expectation that their employees have to be capable of doing many things to prove their "usefulness" to the company. The second cause is uncertainty. As their jobs become more demanding than any time before, they cram themselves in working and working so much that at a point of time, they start to lose sight of themselves. Consequently, they become living machines, living to work. In their clouded eyes, they can see nothing but their work, their frustration when struggling to find themselves back and ended up gaining nothing. That people cannot control their own lives makes they are highly likely to be stressed out.
To solve this problem, there are some simple and practical ways. Employees should do more exercise regularly. There is a saying that "a sound mind in a sound body", so it will help reduce their stress. Moreover, they should learn to communicate better with their family, friends, co-workers or even boss. Family and friends are always willing to give an ear to you. Telling your problem you have to face to someone you love and trust is always better than bearing it alone. And try to make time for yourself. Be happy with your life, and you will find yourself more successful in work. It is hard to do this in a whirlwind-paced society nowadays, but you just need a small amount of time to "charge" yourself back, which no doubt benefits you more than working all day and all night.
In conclusion, modern work patterns can be one of the causes of stress for people. However, it is not unavoidable. We can change this step by step by each individual who seeks efficient work-life balance, wanting to get a happy life.The plus point of your essay of your essay is that it meets the demands of the topic (you mentioned causes and solutions).
On the other hand, you should keep the length of your essay between 250 and 300 words since you can hardly finish your test with a longer essay. For example, Your introduction should have only 2-3 sentences that are mainly bout main point of the topic and the purpose of this essay. in the body paragraphs. You should bring up 2 causes and 2 explanations OR examples for each of them. The same structure is used to bring up solutions
You should put more effort in improving your lexical resource and diversifying sentence structures. I suggest you should read sample essays then gradually learn their structures, vocabulary and grammar.
Btw, there are some grammar mistakes in your essay such as "living machine" and "living to work". "living" in the first term in like an adjective while it is like verb in the latter term. Since you were listing the elements (they become living machines, living to work), i suggest you should use the same type of word
