Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS TASK 2: Stress and how to reduce it


upinipin 32 / 49 1  
May 5, 2014   #1
Stress is now major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factor in modern society that cause this stress and how can we reduce it?

================================================================= ===========================================================

Stress related with mental problem. Stress is such as mental disorders. Mental disorders is a mental psychology make people depressed and physically. Characteristic of stress is beginning of depresses. Each person even has depressed.

Stress is now major problem in many countries especially people in big city. Many people are not realize that stress have settled on their head. Many factor of stress, it is depending on personal metal. People who live in big city such as Jakarta will be easy to get stress. Majority stress comes from our environment such as from our works, groups or community, from our family, moreover from ourselves. For example, traffic jam, economical needed, family problem and many problems we can face in our daily activity. One of many factors we face every day is traffic jam. This problem fulfill our time for many hours.

We can reduce stress with many ways, such as easygoing, more relax, and do not think mind. The easier way is enjoying life. This ways we can do, if we think that problem is part of life journey and it must be passed. No once problems do not have solution. The solution of problem can be found if we tranquil to think what exactly the problem.

Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
May 5, 2014   #2
Stress related with mental problem.

.... wrong grammar;
Stress is related with mental problems.

Stress related with mental problem. Stress is such as mental disorders. Mental disorders is a mental psychology make people depressed and physically. Characteristic of stress is beginning of depresses. Each person even has depressed.

This is not a proper introduction. You have gone completely out of topic. Look at your prompt;

Stress is now major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factor in modern society that cause this stress and how can we reduce it?

This does not ask you to keep defining stress. It asks you what causes stress and how that situation can be arrested. So, do not waste your entire introduction, just for telling the reader what stress is. You need to align your writing with what your prompt requests.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
May 6, 2014   #3
A note to remember:
The key word here is "arguments": ie you need more than one argument and in a correctly constructed essay each argument requires a separate paragraph. So if you accept that you also need a separate introduction and conclusion, then you should see that you will need at least 4 paragraphs. Can you write 3 paragraphs? Yes, but to use a nice English idiom, you are playing with fire and you may get penalised.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Stress and how to reduce it