IELTS Writing task 2: Strict punishments for driving offences or other measures would be effective

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reduce traffic accidents. Others, however believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both views give your own opinion.

People have different views when they are looking for a method to ensure the safety of vehicles and pedestrians. I believe that the answer for this question should be the combination of punishments and range of measures.

On the one hand, strict punishments can certainly help to ensure to drive more safely. Harsh penalties for careless driver prevent them from repeating their offences again. The most serious penalty could be prison sentence of up to 5 years. The aims of these punishment is to warn dangerous drivers against breaking the rule, furthermore, raise their driving habits. As a result drivers would be more careful behind the wheel and more disciplined.

On the other hand, safe driving can be better in different ways without the need of punishing drivers. I believe that government should spend more money on upgrading public transportation which might lead to fewer people travel by cars. One thing that is noticeable about children is that they can be easily educated than adults, traffic law should be added as a part of education sectors in primary school to raise the road safety awareness. This is significant that traffic signs should be placed along the road in order to give drivers adequate time to respond to the command.

In conclusion, while punishments can prevent bad driving and make drivers worry about payment. other road safety measures should be conducted into reality. It would be more effectively if we put them together to make a huge effect on road safety.

You have misunderstood the information in the prompt. There are 2 points of view being supplied:

- strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reduce traffic accidents
- other measures would be more effective in improving road safety

Based on these 2 discussion points, a collective set of instructions were provided:
- Discuss both views give your own opinion.

Count the number of topics to be discussed; 2 public points of view plus one personal opinion. 3 Reasoning paragraphs required. Count the parts of the essay:

- Paraphrase statement
- First public point of view discussion
- Second public point of view discussion
- Personal opinion presentation
- Concluding summary

There are a total of 5 paragraphs to be presented. You only presented 4 paragraphs in your essay. Each paragraph does not use an ownership reference to the opinion being discussed to represent the 2 public discussion points. Therefore, both reasoning paragraphs will be seen as personal opinions. You will lose TA and word count points for this error. The essay will be deemed under the word count because you are discussing only your personal opinion. Ownership words you could start the sentences with are "The people support the punishment point of view because, The alternative punishment supporters say that, I compared the two opinions and decided that...These discussion points should be considered well because..."

Subject - verb agreement problems showed up when you said "The aims of these punishment is", Aims is plural so it should be "The aims of these punishmentS ARE." When using an introductory element in "As a result drivers", place a comma after the phrase "As a result, " The concluding summary should be divided into more sentences. This is a run-on presentation.