For starters, your introductory paragraph is too short. You need at least 3 -5 sentences in each paragraph for it to be acceptable in an essay. Name some of the problems caused by over fishing and what the simple effects of the act are to expand the paragraph.
Now for the grammatical concerns:
Fishing Corporations
- use lower case for words that are not actual names or acronyms.
in which ocean and its living organisms play a vital part.
- in which
the ocean...
called sea jelly, facing extinction.
-
which is now facing ...
put strict environmental regulations,
- regulations
regarding overfishing ...
Additionally, impact on ecosystem
- ...
the impact on
the ecosystem...
a remedy plan should be created to the ailing rare species facing extinction.
- created to
aid the ailing...
large corporations, as well as raising the awareness
Finally, I want to commend you on a well developed essay. This is one prompt that did not go unanswered. In fact, your essay is quite impressive as you obviously have a familiarity with the problem and the probably solutions to it. Aside from the grammatical problems, there is nothing about this essay that will get it a failing mark content wise. This would have a high grade if submitted for actual grade :-)