In my opinion I think that you have given too much information about females, this makes it seem as if you are contradicting yourself. I would suggest that you change the writing to favor your point of view
Thanks for your comment. I too realize that I have written the essay emphasizing female education alone. Instead, it would be better if I have written some points in favour of male students as well which is really supporting my prompt.
" On the other hand, males students are largely interested in learning catering technology and home science.
Thanks again for your comment
Well, before this , you need to introduce the background of the issue... hey, have you forgotten it? :D
Sorry Dumi. I havent forget your structure :-). On seeing this question somehow I thought my introduction well enough.
Hereafter I will make your intro structure as a golden rules :-)
Here is my updated introduction1. Hook
: In today's context, education is the most significant factor which ultimately determines one's future.2. Background
: However, in some countries, students face unfair restriction in acquiring such incredible source of knowledge and wisdow with respect to their gender.3. Thesis statement
: In my personal opinion, I am totally agreed with the view that there should not be any room for partiality in terms of gender while allocating seats for students in every university courses.
Kindly gothrough the rest of my essay and let me know your comments . Thanks Dumi once again.