Unanswered [18] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8

Students' academic performance strongly reflects their teachers' teaching performance.


panninggold 1 / 1  
Sep 20, 2010   #1
TOEFL:Teachers should be paid according to their students' academic performance

Students' academic performance strongly reflects their teachers' teaching performance. Admittedly, paying teachers according to their students' academic performance may bring some disadvantages like devious competitions for more wages. However, I personally believe that it will ultimately bring more benefits than detriments for it brings teachers incentives to pay more efforts and provide higher quality of teaching. Besides, it provides a more objective way of payment. Thus, I agree that teachers should be paid according to their students' academic performance.

Firstly, paying teachers according to their student's academic performance provide incentives to improve their teaching standard. Apparently, how well teachers are paid strongly influences their performance and teachers will pay more efforts to teach their students to improve students' academic performance in order to get higher payments which will make them live better. The higher payments will then encourage teachers so they will show more passions in their teaching. Besides, such method of wage measurement raises competition among teachers, which will also encourage them to make more efforts. For example, my high school sets up many different prizes for teachers and the main standard is the students' academic performance in his or her class. Under the encouragement of the prizes, our teacher works harder than other high schools which have no or less prizes. If teachers are not paid according to the performance of their students' academic performance, it is quite likely that they will pay less effort to teach their students.

Secondly, paying teachers according to their students' academic performance makes teachers provide higher quality of teaching. It is obvious that higher quality of teaching brings better academic performance. Paid according to students' academic performance, teachers will be encouraged to improve their quality of teaching. They will try to find better way to teach their students and make fewer errors, which will make them better teachers. For example, in my high school, teachers' bonuses are related to our performance. This make them pay more attentions to their teaching styles and they often ask us for feedback in order to make improvement, which can lead to better academic performance of students. If teachers are not paid according to students' performance, it is hard to figure out why they have to improve their quality of teaching.

Finally, pay teachers according to students' academic performance is a better way of payment. It differentiates teachers who care about their students' performance from teachers' who don't care their students but only the wages. It is apparently a fair standard measuring their students' performance. The achievement of teachers should not be judged only by their working hours or positions but by the overall influence they have on their students. Teacher's main job is teaching, providing knowledge to their students. So they should also be paid mainly according to their students' performance.

In sum, I agree that teacher should be paid according to their students' academic performance. If so, teachers will pay more efforts and provide higher quality of teaching. Besides, paying teachers according to students' academic performance is a just way of payment.

mea505 - / 265  
Sep 20, 2010   #2
Hi Xun,

This was a good essay! You presented the material in a scholarly manner, with three different paragraphs, each identifying the first, second and then the third reason for your feelings on the matter. You also offered a conclusion, or a summary. Excellent job on the format. I offered a few suggestions on the grammar; there were no spelling errors. I wish you luck!

Mark

Students' academic performance strongly reflects their teachers' teaching performance.

Firstly First, paying teachers according to their ...
... in order to get higher payments which will make them allow them to live better. The higher payments will then encourage teachers so they will to show more passions in their teaching.

... to their students' academic performance makes encourages teachersto provide higher quality of teaching.
They will try to find better ways to teach their students and make ...
This make them encourages them to pay more attentions (...) to make improvements , which can lead to better ...

Finally, paying teachers according to students' ...
... performance from teachers' who don't care about their students but, only their wages. It is apparently a fair standard measuring for their students' performance.

In sum, I agree that teachers should be paid according to ...
If so, teachers will pay more effortsshow more effort and provide higher quality ...
N2N 2 / 4  
Sep 20, 2010   #3
Hi Xun.

As Mark said, you did a great job on the format. But I think the substance is not so clear yet, espcially the difference between the first and the second reason.

I think there are better ideas to use, such as: encouraging people who loves being a teacher to follow their dream (because the salary of a teacher is not high), or creating a competitive spirit among the teachers, or reducing the boring, poorly-qualified teachers...

Yes, your paragraph already comprise my first and second idea, but I think it's greater if you clarify them.

:D
idasuhaila 1 / 2  
Sep 20, 2010   #4
Hello.

I really like the flow of the essay. Coherence is something that differentiates the good essays from the less good ones.

However, you tend to use sweeping statements. No matter how obvious("DUH") the point is, try not to use words like 'apparently' or 'obviously' without proper consideration to start any statement. These words are also colloquial words which are more preferably used in speech, rather than in writing.

e.g. "It is obvious that higher quality of teaching brings better academic performance."

It is widely acknowledged that higher quality of teaching brings better academic performance.

It looks more credible and mature.

All right, other than that, the essay is fine. The points are well thought out. Good job on that. But if you wanna get an A+++++ essay, use more substantial and specific evidence, instead of just mentioning your high school. By the way, writing the name of your high school instead of just saying "my high school" would give it a more realistic edge.

That's just my two-cents. I'm still working on my grammar so I can't help you in that field. xD

Wish you all the best. ^^

-Ida
OP panninggold 1 / 1  
Sep 20, 2010   #5
Yeah, you are right. Sometime it is difficult for me to figure out enough points to support my essay...especially when time is limited. Do you have any suggestions?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,339 129  
Sep 22, 2010   #6
This is impressive. Your mistakes are very small ones, and the way you write in English really shows some mastery. Also, I like your idea! Most people argue against the notion of paying teachers according to academic outcomes, but you make a strong argument for it!

Very interesting... we need your help at EssayForum Contributor Page because you must have a lot of insight into ESL studies, and you can help a lot of people.

You will definitely pass the TOEFL. As for coming up with points to support your argument, the trick is to think of 3 points and express them in the first sentence of each BODY paragraph. Then, go back and write an intro that ENDS with a thesis sentence that expresses one big idea based on the three topic sentences (i.e. the topic sentence is the first sentence of a paragraph).
mea505 - / 265  
Sep 22, 2010   #7
Hi Xun, again....

Have you given thought to re-working your essay? I still think that you did an outstanding job with the formatting for the essay, and if you would just make the small corrections to the text, I think that you will agree that the essay will stand on its own!

I am, by the way, with Kevin, in that you will pass the TOEFL! Take your time and address this essay and give us the opportunity to get back with you again.

Mark

:)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,339 129  
Sep 23, 2010   #8
I am, by the way, with Kevin, in that you will pass the TOEFL!

Yeah, I think this kid could pass a test with even higher standards. This is solid English writing.


Home / Writing Feedback / Students' academic performance strongly reflects their teachers' teaching performance.