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Writing task 2 about students being allowed to use their phones in schools

aanh1009 4 / 7  
Aug 24, 2021   #1
Tittle :
Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion


Thanks to the overdevelopment of information technology, smartphones have never been as accessible as they are these days. Every grown-up has their phone for work, for getting online, for chatting and so do the children. Since the success of the first phone invented, they have been increasingly seen in schools, used by students. Some people believe that this should be stopped due to the bad effects, but there also others who claim the opposite.

The fact that smartphones are supportive in both learning and teaching is undeniable. In many schools in different countries in the world, students have the permission to use their phones on educational purposes. When the teachers and parents are not around, if the child are struggling their appointment, they could go online for the solutions or even have a tutor who helps them via websites and applications. For the introvert ones, this is a great thing. Because they tend to keep themselves to themselves, they surely find it hard to ask for some help in the middle of the class with lots of students. And that is when phones take its effect. Phones make students independent from teachers since they are able to help themselves within a few minutes on the Internet. Furthermore, when pupils can't catch up in classes, they can go online to find documents and practice tests to improve themselves.

However, every coin has two sides. Although phones are beneficial in education, they also have remarkable pifalls. Students do not only have documents in their gadget, they also have games and social media - what draws their attention away from their class. When teachers and unaware, students can hide their phones in bags and use them to do things at are irrelevant to the lesson ongoing. They might not be caught, but this has a totally detrimental effect on their perfomances. Since they are inattentive to the lecture, when it comes to the important part, they will be completely uninformed and soon be left behind.

In conclusion, to my mind, students having their phone at school is a good thing. The Internet is information-laden and will be every student's best assistant in learning if they use it wisely and appropriately. However, restrictions are also required to make sure they use their gadgets for the right purpose.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,940 3851  
Aug 25, 2021   #2
In the opening statement, the author over presented the introduction to the point of straying from the original content.This paragraph needed only 3 sentences:

- Public opinion 1
- Public opinion 2
- Personal insight

The complicated background was unnecessary as it was never a part of the orginal presentation. It was irrelevant in a paragraph that only requires a restatement + opinion.

The personal opinion is in the incorrect spot in the essay. It should, as per the outline above, be the 3rd reasoning paragraph. It must be fully developed prior to the concluding paragraph.The last paragraph is the discussion summary. This essay is open ended and could fail to achieve a passing score because of it.

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