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Students although focused on their main major, also have enough time to learn history and literature


lamnt 1 / -  
Aug 8, 2016   #1
Hi I've got another TOEFL essay. Please give me some feedback. I appreciate it a lot. Many thanks!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for students to study history and literature than it is for them to study science and mathematics. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

My essay:

When I was a student, history was the most my favorite major in my university. It is disagreed that history and literature are majors which less significant than other majors, such as science and mathematics. This essay will discuss the positive effects and potential knowledge from studying history and literature, but students should concentrate with their main majors.

Information from history always is importance in every time. Young people often do not regard with historical knowledge caused they often feel boring when reading historical book. But, this information helps people to have significant view from past to the future. The education managers often find the way to encourage the passion from young people. In my country, the history major is one of the requirements major for final exams in every secondary school.

Besides, there are very not correct if we underestimated the effect of literature. The writers usually want to raise the inspiration in mind of people, which help them to feel their life more beautiful. Some scientists said that the children read many literature books will have some positive behaviors than others. When I was small, my father suggested me read the ' Les Miserables' novel, which help me recognized a variety of useful behaviors in my life.

However, students now must learn diversity majors in university. So that, there do not have time to study in all majors. They should choose main major, and concentrate to improve knowledge. Scientist major often help students can have more easily potential jobs in the future.

In conclusion, I think students also have suitable time to learn history and literature major while as concentrate in their main major.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 9, 2016   #2
Hi Lam, welcome to EF! Here's my analysis towards your essay.

1st paragraph:
- When I was a student, history was the most my most favorite major in my university.
- This essay will discuss the positive effects and potential knowledge from studying history and literature, butand the matters that students should concentrate with their main majors .

2nd paragraph:
- Information from history always is importanceis always important in every time.
- Young people often do not regardpay a close attention to / interested inwith historical knowledge caused they often feel boring when reading historical book. (choose one of them)

- ButNevertheless , this information helps people to have significant view from the past to the future.
- The education managers often find thea way to encourage the passion fromto young people.
- In my country (mention the name of your country to make this clearer) , the history major is one of the requirements major forto pass the final exams in everyall secondary schools .

3rd paragraph:
- Besides, there are very not correctit is totally wrong if we underestimated the effect of literature.
- The writers (who is this? the writer of what? unclear reference) usually want to raise the inspiration in mind ofinspire people
- Some scientists said that ifthe children read many literature books, they will have somemore positive behaviors than others.
- When I was a little boy/girl,small, my father suggested me to read the ' Les Miserables' novel, which then, it helped me recognized a variety of usefulmeaningful behaviors in my life.

As you can see Lam, I hope the above-mentioned feedback would be helpful for your future practice. Mind the corrections above and make them as one of your guidance in writing an essay. Good luck for that :)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Aug 9, 2016   #3
Hi Lam, as you can see there is quiet a lot of remarks done in your essay and I must say they are major ones, as they tackle sentence construction and this is somehow alarming, however, don't fret because there are a lot of ways to get better, one way is to practice writing as much as you can, it doesn't have to be a TOEFL writing, it can be just any draft and I can assure you that this will greatly help in honing this craft in writing.

Moreover, I just want to share that, as a student, you don't really think which subject will bring you importance or will play a huge role later on in life, however, I believe that a person may not know everything but they should know a little bit of everything, I believe this recipe will get you a few steps ahead of life.

Overall, aside from the above remarks, you managed to answer the prompt in a manner of giving realistic examples and to conclude this review, below is my suggestion for your conclusion.

- In conclusion, I thinkbelieve students
- also have suitable time toshould learn history and literature major while as concentrate in their main majoras much as they learn their major subjects .


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