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Students to attend schools to learn or not?


adip 12 / 13  
Aug 2, 2016   #1
Some people believe that teaching children at home is the for a child's development, while other think that is important for children to go to school.

Discuss the advantages of both methods


Some make an assumption that teaching children at home is one of the modern methods for a child's development since parents have to keep children under surveillance, whereas the other peoples argue that it is crucial for the young individual to go to school,as in there they will be able to upgrade confident.

Homeschooling is a great way for increasing development of the child, due to the fact that they daily life of children should be under superintendence by their parents. By 2012 recent Oxford university study reveals that approximately 50% Malaysian's child which study at home is being smart and discipline, since they have to study at home most of the day and more private, and therefore this results in children obtaining good academics performance especially in some lessons. This, on the other hand, is a negative effect for them such as dwindling quality of child's social life skills, due to the fact that they have no plenty of time to build new acquaintance.

That being said, attending to school is a must aspect fo the most children, as this will afford to build more confidence of kids when they confront with others. A 2013 recent university of Utah research disclose that 85% of indonesian's young population which determine to study at home is being socialized. In fact that they utilize the time of them interacting each other in the school field. This results in many peers being recquired and make easier to speak in public. However, this will brings the number of juvenile violence, because they cannot filter which is good or bad friend

In conclussion, the best study field between home and school is of beneficial and drawback. In fact that both of them wll build child's development.

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 2, 2016   #2
Hi Adi, here's my contribution towards your essay.

1st paragraph:
- Some people make an assumption that teaching children at home is one of the modern methods for a child's development since parents have to keep children under surveillance. (stop here)whereasMeanwhile, the other peoples argue that it is crucial for the young individual to go to school (no comma needed) as in there they will be able to upgrade theirconfidentconfidencein that place . (Don't you realize that your first paragraph is ONLY one sentence?)

- You need to state your position in introduction paragraph. If you don't state your position, this will make your band score can only reach 3 or maximum 4 (unclear position)

However, as I read through your essay, it will take more than a page if I give you all the details. Let me show you the brief descriptions of my feedback.

- You need to be careful with spelling. Punctuation is also one of the criteria of IELTS grading. You can activate spell-checker in order to help you determining the right spelling of words.

- It is also suggested to maintain the correct use of capitalization. University's name is usually in uppercase for example the University of Oxford, the University of Utah, or Harvard University.

- Mind the usage of comma and period. Avoid making too-long-but-complicated sentences. Making inaccurate sentences will only make your essay can reach 5.0 for grammatical range and accuracy part.

That's it Adi. I hope this helps. Good luck for the next practice :)
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Aug 2, 2016   #3
Hi Adi, below are my suggestions for the 2nd paragraph of your essay.

- That being saidHaving said that ,
- attending to school is a must
- aspect fo thefor most children,
- as this will afford to build more confidence
- offor kids when
- they confront with othersconquer the world .
- A 2013 recent universityUniversity of Utah research disclose that 85%
- of I ndonesian's young population
- whichare determined to study - at home is being socializedare also sociable .
- In fact,that they utilize
- thetheir time of them interacting each
- This results in manyto a lot of peers
- being recquired and makes it easier to speak in public.

- However, this will brings the increasing number of
- the best study field of study between
- home and school is of beneficialhas its benefits and drawbacks .
- In fact that, both of
- them wll buildbuilds a child's development.

There you have it Adi, I hope this modifications help in your revision and for future writing reference, mind the linking verbs, the right forms of the words you use and how you associate this in the sentences.
OP adip 12 / 13  
Aug 3, 2016   #4
thank you so much, Mr. Ichan for your feedback. However, could you explain and give some examples of my problem
Faridadwi18 67 / 104 13  
Aug 12, 2016   #5
Hi adip,

- Some people make an assumption that teaching children at home
- whereas the other peoples
- as in there they will be able to upgrade confident. their confidence.
- that they the daily life of children should ...
- Malaysian's child which who study at home is being smart and discipline
- most of the day and more private,.and Therefore this results ...
This, On the other hand, this is a negative effect for them ...

You need to make a shorter sentence. if you make too long sentence, the reader will confuse the meaning of the sentence itself.

I hope it will help you. Thank you


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