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Students got best results in Computer Science, Mathematics, and Foreign Languages - competency exams


Novi 7 / 6 1  
May 17, 2016   #1
Hi, I have written an IELTS task 1, hopefully get a strong feedback. Thankyou

Question:
The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The percentage of student who passed their high school competency exams, by subjects and sexes, during the period 2010-2011 is revealed by the bar chart. Overall, it can be seen that student both of sexes got best result in Computer Science, Mathematics, and Foreign Language includes French, German and Spanish. Moreover, the performance of the both gender in the subjects like Physics, History, Foreign Language and Mathematics are roughly same.

A closer looked to the data, Girls highlighted a highest percentage in Computer Science subject, 56,3 %, while boys in Mathematic, 48,4%. In other side, take into account that the girls showed lowest percentage in Geography, 20,1% while Boys in Chemistry, 14,1%. In term of gap results between sexes, a most significant difference percentage approximately 16 % in Chemistry, which Girls have highest percentage 30,2%.

However, Physics, History, Foreign Languages and Mathematics revealed a slightly different percentage between sexes, roughly 2 % respectively. In general, during the period under review, girls performed better in most subjects in the competency exams than boys.



patricrioo 6 / 9 2  
May 17, 2016   #2
The percentage of student who passed their high school competency exams, by subjects and sexes
It is quite confusing. Are the percentage of student who passed their exams is also measured by sexes ?
As an introduction, you should focus and state the topic clearly. One words might lead the sentences into misunderstanding.

According to your intro, my suggestion is
The percentage of student who passed their high school competency exams in 2011/2012 is highlighted in the bar charts by their subjects for both and girls.

And here a few suggestions also
got best result --- obtaineda best result

All the best! Cheers!
Btihbk11 8 / 9  
May 17, 2016   #3
A closer looked to the data and take into account which ione is your preference ? I suggest put past tense.

that the girls showed lowest percentage in Geography, 20,1%

My suggestion : that in geography, the girls showed the lowest percentage by roughly 20,1%

roughly 2 % respectively.respectively is use when you put two different things/numbers in a respective time. Otherwise you can't use it
Meirama91 8 / 9 2  
May 17, 2016   #4
hello novi, i will give you some suggestion from my perspective, hopefully it'll help you.

A closer looked to the data, Girls highlighted a highest percentage in Computer Science subject, 56,3 %, while boys in Mathematic, 48,4%.(its, a bit unclear here. i think it will better for you to mention the thing that you want to compare in the beginning, maybe you can say like this::the highlighted percentages fo a girls................. while boys achieved.............)

In other side, take into account that the girls showed lowest percentage
why you put "take into account" here? take into account means careful, right? its hard for me to catch your meaning here.

that's all for me, keep learning novi! good luck!


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