[IELTS TASK 2] Students should choose a university major that prepares them for high-paying careers.

Students should choose a university major that prepares them for high-paying careers.

To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In recent times, more and more young people are choosing to enter tertiary education and some believe they should opt for a career choice that pays reasonably well in the future. I disagree as money should not be the primary concern when making this decision due to burnout rates and overpopulating certain fields.

To begin with, university students ought to look towards majors that they're interested in, as studying is no small feat, and lack of interest could cause failure and eventually dropping out. This is evident by the drastic increase in burn-out rates of students, particularly ones majoring in STEM fields, in IVY League schools across America over the past decade. This is usually due to the fact that most of them give up being unable to keep up with the course load as they entered for the wrong reasons.

Moreover, another point to consider is the scarcity of young people studying other majors that may not have a sure job prospect in the future, but nonetheless, are much needed professions, such as the arts. Not only does this create a lack in these areas, but also creates unnecessary competition and overcrowding for these high-paying type of degrees. In Sudan for instance, medicine has seen an exponential growth in the number of students applying, so in turn, graduates ended up finding themselves competing with thousands. In other words, some of these newly graduated doctors, who expected to be greeted with a wide array of jobs upon graduating, were not only left broke, but also jobless.

In conclusion, even though it seems optimal to apply for a university major that constitutes to a high paying salary, I disagree with this notion as starting a degree doesn't necessarily mean you'll finish it, and individuals need to be equally distributed among various fields.

Thank you for your help!!

There is a key phrase missing in your introduction paragraph. Since you are being asked to discuss the essay based on the "extent" of your dis/agreement with the given topic, your measured outline response should have been framed as follows:

I strongly disagree with this statement to the extent that money should not...

Your reasoning is correct. It is the format of your response that is partially incorrect. What you consider "connecting phrases" in this essay are nothing more than word fillers. The transition sentences, are actually used at the end of the paragraphs to help introduce the next topic. For example:

... the wrong reasons. This leads to a scarcity of students in majors that do not offer a sure job prospect in the future, which leads to our next discussion topic.

Then start the new paragraph with the topic sentence that relates to the previous discussion of scarcity of students in certain majors. If you can avoid using the redundant and empty sentences, which only serve to add length, but not substance to the essay, then you should score better.